Motivated by Happy Giant's Post

[Fighting4Wife]

Lillie,

I bet I can keep up with you on the attempted mind reading and planning.

Yep that is me. Always has been and one of those things if I eliminated the "possible scenario" approach to the interactions, I will be better off.

I can really say that in retrospect, all that type of thought process kicked in with the realization she could cheat. At that point I went into the full court press and defend every possible move she could make. I see that as the intial start to the situation that I am in now.

If I had known then, maybe there would be a different scenario.

In making the statement about being here and hearing her, I am not ready. Not for any other reason than, I am unsure of myself to react in a better way than before. I need to be certain I have that under control. I do agree that it has to happen soon.

As to her leaving. I have faced that demon before and face it again. The difference is this time, I do not care. I mean that in a positive way. I will be hurt, anxiety, fear blah blah blah, but I also know I am on a path that is helping me grow.

Cobra,
I agree on the mirroring and validation points. Eases the tension. Prior to this was "slash and burn" discusions on my part. Dismiss her views or poke holes in the logic and supplant them with my views. Not too controlling eh? . Hence when recently I have tried to get her views she closes down.

So I have to earn that talk. Also like I stated earlier, I am unsure I am ready. Although I would love to find out what is going on, I need to trust myself to act acoordingly.

I am looking for the book right now. Seeing if it is a local Bookstore here, otherwise it is off to Amazon.

Thanks for the comment about growth. I feel that the initial DBing mantras were good, have gotten me here. But I am one that needs a good boot to the head or azz (I have been told they are inseperable! )

F4W