Motivated by Happy Giant's Post

[Fighting4Wife]

WA state divorce is BS (IMHO) it allows for easy termination.

90 days from time served papers to agree to the D or to say there is hope. The sign, and it is done in 90 days. Contest and it goes before the judge who will order counseling and then at the end of that if it is not workable the court proceedings begin.

Spot on again 3 months to 1 year.

DO YOU EVER HATE BEING RIGHT ALL THE TIME??!!

You can also get a legal seperation where the courts just divide the property up and cutody, WA is a community property state.

That takes 3 months also but D happens after that with only one party filing after 6 onths of seperation (I think).

Agreed I cannot save her, but as you know Cobra that is the hardest part, not saving. Seeing them swirl in this toilet when all they have to do is reach up. But I understand by doing so they never face their issues and are doomed to repeat.

Good analogy on her strength, She was never as jaded (?) towards me in the past, but became resentful of the early years of marriage not being at home because of my job, add kids, increase expenses, you name it.

I have seen my W cry 5 times in our marriage (besides being sick and in pain) 1 when GM died, 1 when GF died, 3 times since this has begun. On sick, a telling tale for my wife is she seeks extreme levels of comfort when she is ill. Positive sign she is not a pillar of stone, maybe.

In the past I have backed down from her because of my fear of abandonment, lately I do not. When she first stated D 1 year ago I crumbled, second time I crumbled, 3rd time I crumbled, this time I did not, although I have cracked a bit, but still not crumbling.
She knows how to get my buttons. But where I am now and what is becoming a revelation to me is "go ahead push em, I am not responding to it and you may very well not like the consequences if you continue that logic"

As I said, I am set on fixing me right now. I need to fiugre our and further cope with my issues first.

Lightning Bolt today, I have stated in the past my physical attraction and EC is the main drive here. I have come to realize that those things may be present but it IS the fear of abandonment and loss that escalates the anxiety.

She called today to share a D of a mutual friend had just passed from an car accident a few months back. I did not take the call. Litened to the message and immediately called back. She was on phone. I left message to call when she is free with Assistant. She calls back and I am out. We finally connect. Actually thought I was ok in this (though I sense Cobra has his scapel out). I wasempathetic and asked how she was doing withit. She said fine. I said that was good she was holding up. She wanted to go into do not worry about me mode and I changed subject to tonight and informed her my truck was done and would be leaving early. Quite anxious on the phone but thought why? I cannot control or relieve her grief. I can only be empathetic until she wants to share more.

Thanks Cobra.

F4W