Ok following until last line. That one threw me. Not that it is not possible, but I have been at this for over a year already. I understand that I need to add time to it when I backslide, but Geez!
I understand more now that it is anxiety. It is my fear of abandonment. Without a doubt those are promary drivers here. Others are children, finances, perspective by peers, and personal failure. Pretty heavy stuff.
I have always took control in crisis situations and also in non-crisis situations. Yes since I was a kid. Very intelligent (I guess) and athletic. Moved to private school in 1st grade b/c public education was not doing it and always competed in athletics at higher levels than my age due to ability.
This is the rub. A fixer and I cannot fix this. Damn frustrating. I can fix it damn it I know I can, but it is not mine to fix.
Have spent some time today looking for IC for myself. For nothing else to gain control over my anxiety. An analogy of the way I feel right now is a lab right injected with caffiene and plopped in the maze. Running around going crazy. Then at home I try and put it in perspective.
Our saving grace right now is her busy time of year and she will be out of house for awhile over the next 2 weeks.
My sharing cannot occur until after then. To do so would be seen as highly inconsiderate of her stress and job at this time to put my needs on the front burner.
1 Year, wow, wow!
F4W
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
