This is your anxiety as a pursuer kicking it. If like me, then your fears are of abandonment from something in your past. It is difficult to feel like this and not do anything about it. You are used to taking control to prevent chaos (did you do this as a child?) She told you she would not leave and would do whatever you wanted, right?
Perhaps you should level with her about your fears and vulnerabilities, why you act as you do, what you are doing to change this and what you truly want in a marriage. Then let it alone. Both of you will need a lot of time for this to sink in and work through it. You might also tell her you realize that going to counseling is the next logical step, rather than filing for divorce.
About the enabling business. Stop trying to rescue her and her feelings. If she is upset or feel uncomfortable, then tough. This is a much her doing as yours. Your concern for how she feels is just another aspect of pursuit, combined with your need to be a hero. You are doing this for you, not her. Read up more on the narcissism site when you can.
I don’t think you should be acting too ambivalent toward her right know, if you want to avoid confronting her with the choice of marriage or divorce. Open up to her, propose the counseling. Give her some time. Then if she refuses, consider something else. But even then, you can just delay for say 6 months, work on yourself, let her see and feel the changes, then ask gain. When you decide to force a decision on the marriage or divorce is up to you.
Personally, I think you need to anticipate a long slow process to working back together. A year would be pretty quick IMO.
