First, I agree that that request and action was due to the situation and the panic. Fully admitted and need that smack on the head. But the flip side of that was I did see my actions going south and did stop when she thrw up the warning flare.
If the space that my wife is referring to is the constant need of affection, but is comfortable with GB and GN kisses, even spontaneous ones, often initiates them (GN and GB), though sometimes feels it is a duty, it is nonetheless something that she is comfortable with and has commented on that.
As to entitlement, I see that perspective, but where is the deliniation between entitlement and interactioon. By that I ask, by not initiating contact, am I not then compromising my needs and allowing an affectionless marriage to exist? And in doing so am I not allowing entitlement to happen for her. I am entitled to not kiss my H, not hug, my H and if he does than I am going to be pissed off because he is doing it?
Agreeed entitlement builds resentment. A key issue in our relationship right now.
As to the humilty comment, I have humilty.
The comment about my vows is strong with me. They were not at one time when I was the person running away. Since I have come to identify a large portion of my issues, I have come around to place great faith in those vows.
The pursuer/avoider dynamic. If I am understanding this right, has little bearing. If anything she wants the pursuing to stop so she can stop avoiding. Now if that means stopping all affection, contact, sex, converstaions, than that is the edge of the cliff I need to stare. I will not be party to that. second thought not party to that for long. I am sure that if that would generate positive reslut for a short term hiatus, than I am able to oblige. But not for the long term.
Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.
Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!
