I want these things because those things help to define a purpose that I am worthwhile in someone elses eyes. That I have meaning. That I exist beyond my job, my faherly duties. That I am not alone on this planet. That there is one that finds solice in me, takes the bad with the good.


If I never had these things how would I feel? I would feel alone. That the definition of my self is limited to my job and my kids.

Now hold on to the gavel a bit. I would not relinquish my father duties for the world. They are as important as anything if NOT more.

But there is more to complete a person that their job or possessions. Yes I could die today and I feel people would say he was a good father, a good administrator, and good husband. There is not self-esteem issues here, in fact probably more on the arogant side.

The shock of D, the discovery of my own lack of self control in seeking comfort online outside of my marriage and the reality of my W affair, did not leave me with those feelings all alone. With that came the baggage of self failure. Of breaking my own moral values and belief system. There was guilt, there was anger, there was self pity, there was much more.

But in regards to what has changed and how have I tried to affect change since those feelings emerged...

I have forgiven myself and my wife. I live each day with the vow that I will never stray from my vows until there are disolved by D. I will apply myself to find answers and support within myself first. I will not choke down my feelings when I feel there are issues. I speak of them directly and in a non-accusational tone. I will not be placated and I will hold myself to promises I make and expect the same in return.

Am I successful 100 % of the time, NO! But I recognize when I do not honor myself in following through and start again.

How is that for peeling (with a little explaination)?

All of which I have said to W but she hears
"W you are not doing anything right. You need to do it more, do it better, and by God I come first!" out of my mouth.

F4W

Through honest giving of my love I will recieve 10 fold in return.

Just because a person does not love you in the way you want, does not mean they do not love you!