I just read through your other thread. Sounds familiar. Actually I think you may be in a good place, as hard as that is to believe. It sounds to me like the both of you have come to the end of your rope. You have each completely detached, there are no more attacks, denials, or games. You can both easily admit to what you really want and what you each did to sabotage the marriage up to this point. There is nothing left to gain in withholding the truth. So you both need to just lay it all on the table. You’re going to lay everything else on the table with the divorce lawyers. You might as well talk things over between the two of you first.
What you might find, and Schnarch discusses this in chapter 13 – Couples in the Crucible: Reaching Critical Mass, is that this is exactly what you have needed to do all along. If you’ve been to counseling, this is the point the counselor is trying to reach.
Tell her how you feel. Ask her what she wants in a marriage, what would she want from this marriage? Be honest, don’t get angry, reveal your deepest feelings and see how closely your answers match one another.
