Motivated by Happy Giant's Post

[Fighting4Wife]

Ahaa the subltle frying pan approach eh? Not that I am complaining. I guess part of me is posting trying to find the answers that I most likely have come across.

Improvements:
We communicate more
We are more civil and loving to each other
We talk more
We spend more time doing things as a family
I am starting to believe that she is here and not looking to bolt
We are more honest
We do ML more frequently (act not passion)
She is more relaxed in most situations


I have contended from the start that she was forced into ending the affair for fear, guilt, appearences. I have definiely shot of enough toes in the past years with mistakes. But I have also made progress.

As to her when asked that question she gave the standard answers. I do not want a divorce, you are the father of our kids, and eventually ILY.

I agree with the statement that something in our relationship shuts her down. I have changed a lot about me but to no avail. I believe the thrill of the affair helped. I will add that I was the OM for her in a previous relationship. While she was still living with her old BF they were not having sex. When we started dating, she wanted to have sex with me and I refused because she was involved. We moved in together a short time later. She also has the pattern in a previous relationship prior to that one. So that is her excape mechanism. Find a new one then leave the old.

Even with all this knowledge I have forgiven her in my heart and with God and love her. To me Divorce is not an option, and plan on reiterating that with her. We need to fix this, because I am not prepared to spend the rest of my marriage like this.

I'm in favor of a good counselor. Our location is not conducive to high quality counselors. So much research needs to be done and I have to get her to willingly want to go.

I can see someone like myself having a EA that overflows into a PA if my emotional needs were being fufilled to the point it released my more HD nature. But why would someone who is LD does not like sex walk into a situation of not only having one but two peoples needs to fufill sexually.

I agree I agree I agree. This is what led me to do what I did. But I stopped short of an actual PA becuase of my desire to save my marriage. Unfortunately (or fortunately) the oW called my wife with a pack of lies saying we had been together.

Thnaks Crissy. Ouch but thanks!

F4W