Motivated by Happy Giant's Post

[Fighting4Wife]

OK, I am taking a plunge here thanks to Happy Giant’s post. Been posting and growing in newcomers for over one year, and been lurking here for almost as long. Been really trying to square away other issues in my M before trying and tackle this one.

Brief synopsis:
Me 39
W 38
3 sons (10, 7, 4)

Bomb in Feb 05 after my internet relationship, which I admitted and repented for and later I confront her on her EA with OM from a weekend getaway to our honeymoon hotel

2nd Bomb in March (after I confront her again after ferreting out her affair)

Catch her in bed with OM 4/16/05

We have been working on us since with many ups and downs

Here is my quandary. Although things are tremendously better in our relationship, it is lacking in the sex arena. I am most definitely a HD man. She used to be HD but is now self proclaimed LD. For many years stated she hated sex. Well I blew that out of the water the night I caught her. Through out this year we ML (or rather I ML and she does her duty) more than we ever have, but she is distant, non responsive, and acts as if it is the ultimate sacrifice. She has stated that she will do it whenever but will not be into it. She is comfortable with 1 in a week if she is in the mood. But it is all “business” typical line is “Kids are asleep now, lets go do this.” That gets the motor running for me. Then it is lay there and I do a Herculean effort to please and arouse and stimulate, all which she says is un-needed and she really does not enjoy. There is no foreplay directed at me, a quick grab and tug to get things up and that is it. I have requested more, and get anger and refusals. No oral from her what so ever, out of the question (although it used to be a regular thing). No devices, massages, touching, showers or even kisses (if I get 3 kisses during a session that is amazing). It is always “hurry up and cum, I want to go to sleep”. I have tried everything I can think of, BB poster’s comments, and books (oh God the books!!!)

I am frustrated by all means. I see and acknowledge that what we have overcome is wonderful. That our relationship is getting better, but still feel like I am being neglected on a emotional level with my W. I love her and my sons tremendously, otherwise I would have made other choices by now. How do I get the point across that ML is more than the physical release to me. It is about me pleasing her and her pleasing me. A mutual connection. Not fairy tale or perfection, I am open to quickies, nooners, long sessions, short sessions, romance, dirty, whatever it takes. Just want to FEEL that I am desired and attractive.

I read Happy Giants post and it is sooooooo close to my W that it is scary! How do I start the communication that I need more, not frequency but intensity (?).

Thanks for listening. I know that this is a very tight knit group. Maybe someone has the time to respond
F4W