Okay, my .02 worth, and that may be all about what its worth.....but I don't think that detaching means "turning a blind eye." to the A.....just tempering your reactions to your H's actions. So if he is continuing the A, you can let him know that you do know it is continuing and that a monagamous, healty relationship doesn't include an OP. That doesn't mean ranting and raving about it, but being very direct and honest about how you feel about it. Nothing can be lost by being direct....it is not accusing nor judgemental.

I hope that makes sense........

"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu