I'm working on the whole GAL-thing, too. For you, is there anything that you've always meant to do but never gotten around to? Like taking classes--dance, photo, stained glass, orchids etc. Now would be a good time to do those things. You also mentioned communion. What about a women's group through the church? Both of these would be little things that would get you out of the house one night a week, and one night is a start. As an added bonus, you may be able to get out and meet new people. As for money-making ventures, I don't have a 'real' job yet for the summer break, so in the meantime, I clean a medical office 2 nights a week. It's only about a hundred dollars a week, but hey, it's a hundred more than I would have otherwise. You can always check out the classifieds in your area for part-time jobs like mine. Those are all the suggestions I have at the moment. Hope they may be of some help. And by the way, I have found your thread extremely useful, especially as of late. I know you've been following mine off and on, and now we are in a very similar place. I am seeing my H more and more often, but I don't think the OW is entirely out of the picture. Thanks for posting all of the helpful hints and reminders everyone who has contributed. Hope you have a good rest of the day! TSO
I love to read. Reading "Prep" right now. Whoa, captures the awkwardness of HS very well.
I agree with GH, GAL is not about only putting on stilletos and hitting happy hour each night. Do it with the kids, esp. now they must need the support too, and you get a million miles from their time/smiles.
Cheap fun: 1) Library--READ--escape to a different world. Nice to do in bed when H is there nor not...you're not waiting for him to come home sitting in bed. I used to do that and hate it, I need to get better at this.
2) Movies...rent them and watch with/without H. Plan a family movie night with the kids and let H know. Up to him after that.
3) Parks. Do you have bikes? A public pool? Hiking areas close by?
4) It's summer, so check the local paper for free family fun in town. Or online. If you live near museums/art centers/community centers (and surely you do, even I do)....in summers they have free events all week. Weekly concerts outside, plays, book readings, exhibits, free access 1 night a week, etc.
5) Exercise...it's free and the BEST boost for yoru PMA and is like an AD. PLUS, you feel and look great and that's just plain good. I did it for health and alleviating tension/stress/depression, and the side effect is I LOVE how I look now...H surely compliments and is VERY encouraging. Even if in the morning, you stretch, do a little quick walk in the neighborhood, etc.
6) Hang with friends. Nice that neighbor is next door. Can you arrange for sitting and go out together? Or take the kids on a joint trip?
7) Get creative with summer jobs. Surely someone must need daycare for the summer? People still work now, right? (or am I the only one??!! NOT). Put an ad in the paper, in schools (now that they're closing), local grocery store, anything. Even if part-time it's a LITTLE cash and that's better than nothing. Also, what ELSE can you do? Are kids with you all day? If not, then how about a temp job elsewhere?
8) Any house/odd jobs you have pending but haven't gotten around to? Look at that to do list and get cracking...takes your mind off and you feel accomplished. That's what I've been doing this week and it feels good.
Whew....so there's a starter list and I'm sure you can get REALLY creative.
** Another idea, and one that I LOVE is sitter-share/job-share with a pal. So, if you get part time job for a few days a week, and a friend does on the other days of the week, then you can each work PT and sit each others kids. This is ideal if you both are sharing the SAME full time job....you never know, it might work out.
Get creative and keep thinking. I know you'll find something.
It's the start of summer....make it a great one...that's your goal. You're gonna look back and this is gonna be the best summer of your life!
Always, you have become such an inspiration to me. I truely think that your words of wisdom will not only help me but others reading my sitch as well. You are definitely a wonderful and caring person, know that much no matter what your H thinks right now. I agree that he is in fog, be that as it may, continue to be who you are and be to him what you are to me. You make me feel good so I can only imagine how your words and actions must be making him feel now.
You are too sweet. Just sharing ideas, no sweat. There are so many here that are inspiring and much further down the path.
As far as being nice to H...yes, I am now. But, hate to admit, there were many moments where I was quite the opposite. Climbing uphill is quite hard. Wish I had shown him more support in other times...oh well, live and learn and change. BUT, when you've hurt someone else, it's a little harder to swallow.
Again, thanks for your kind words.
If nothing else, just get your brain thinking of all these fun and exciting things. You'll feel mopey at first GAL'ing, but soon it'll feel normal again.
This week, try to come up with one thing that you can start doing this summer with kids and get them excited about (pool pass, museum visits, library program, etc).
As for me, I had dinner with a friend tonight to share a little community action idea, something small but hopefully something that will spread, volunteer-like. Women helping women. She liked the idea and we're gonna present to other friends and hopefully it'll spread. Felt good to focus on something other than my life.
I took this off of RB's thread, it was written by Positively Listening:
Quote: your observations without reactions are really great to see. I believe things are brewing under the surface here, in new and important ways. Stay lovingly detached. Continue to observe, and not get hooked in
This is what I have been doing this week. Just observing. I see things that could be about my H and OW, BUT I do not react, talk about it, or get hooked in. I think I am finally getting this - it only took me 8 months.....
Quote: This is what I have been doing this week. Just observing. I see things that could be about my H and OW, BUT I do not react, talk about it, or get hooked in. I think I am finally getting this - it only took me 8 months.....
GREAT!!! The really good news is that you are not coming her claiming to detach (I know ALL about this BTW) just because things are quiet TODAY, or THIS WEEK. No, you say there are things that MAY be about OW and you're choosing not to react. Good for you. This is a great step to take.
Reacting has been my biggest problem. So along with GAL I am consciencely making an effort NOT to react to the negative stimuli. H and I are getting along much, much better; he has actually even called me "honey" a few times which to me is a term of endearment. What he does when he is not with me will no longer affect me. As everyone says, I cannot control him or his actions. He is the one that has to live with himself and the consequences of his actions. I am making an effort not to let what he is doing or not doing bother me (well, it does bother me) but I am choosing not to REACT to it. Know what I mean?
