Of course, I always react to my emotions, and my emotions are raw. I just want to ask him, "are you committed to our marriage and if you are, are you willing to do what it takes with me to improve it?" Take it from there...I know he'll say something like I think it is getting better, blah blah blah. How do I tell him that he needs to end the A? He needs to find ways to get his needs met BY ME.
I no longer want to be a doormat. I don't want him to think he can get some of his needs met by me and others met by her. He cannot have both, he needs to make a concrete decision.
I just reread the section in DR under infidelity, when your spouse refuses to stop seeing OP to try the "after the last-resort technique". It says to tell your spouse that you love them enough that you are prepared to let go, then back off completely. Don't spend time together, don't talk on the phone, don't do nice things together, don't allow your spouse to feel that there is a relationship between you any longer. Continue this emotional cutoff until your spouse gets the point that there will be no relationship of any sort until and unless OP is completely out of the picture.
Should I or could I do this? I don't think so, only because in every other way our lives together have improved that combined with the fact that he gave me roses and a card saying ILY yesterday - do I really want to rock the boat. Remember, he gave me nothing for my birthday in Jan. and nothing for our 12th anniversary on Valentine's Day.
Ugh....maybe I'll just start over again with the "last resort technique - stop pursuing behavior, GAL, wait and watch.
Sorry for the rambling, if anyone wants to add their 2 cents that would be great!
