I struggle with boundaries and DB. I know OT and others say that they are not mutually exclusive but it seems like before all this started, we ALL thought our spouse having an affair was a boundary we had set that would, if crossed buy our spouses, cause an immediate end to our marriage. If not an end, than at least a suspension of it. I don't think any of us thought that we would be "DBing" and turning this into something that in the end WILL be positive for us personally. Hell, if you told me 4 months ago that I would think about this experience as "good" in ANY way, I would have called you crazy.
With all that said, you are truly free to set your boundaries wherever you like but realize that this affair was NOT something you were born to accept, it took months of hard work to "DB" and turn the attention to yourself and away from the A and your H.
Does it hurt like hell that he MAY have started up with her again? Sure it does, but realize too that you only know part of the story and may not believe the other part if he told you.
No matter what, I understand how you feel. I thought, as I read this post, how $hitty I would feel if my W full-on started back up with OM and what it would mean to me. I truly can't tell you. I suppose if I thought, as I do in my sitch, that I was really on the road to reconciliation and this happened to me, I would feel justified in figuring out just where things stood, or at least as much as W would tell me.
Your H keeps saying that it's not what you think. Well, what does HE think YOU think it is, and how does that differ from what it REALLY is? I wonder.
I hope more people will chime in. I just think above all else, give this the normal gestation time to make SURE you are doing out of thought and not emotion.
You are a strong woman and I think in the end, you WILL do what is right by this situation, I just don't know for SURE what that is.
