Thanks for dropping in on my thread. I've been all pissy this week...nice to get it out though. No point in focusing on detaching when the space apart is for facing the emotions.
I hear ya, there comes certain times in the day when you just want to crack just a bit. Going to bed is hard for me too, the obligatory "goodnight" followed by the rollover--wondering...hmmm, was he with her...will I get affection, etc. Of course, he's probably thinking the same thing, but I was following DB and "giving space" and not making any moves after OW bomb.
The best bet....he's in his own world...same thing posted to PL this afternoon. That being said, all you can do is be you, keep doing the things you think are right for you, are not pressuring, but friendly, loving but detached. Ya know, that wonderful tightrope. So, if you think giving a hug is nice, non-pressured, then keep doing it. Ignore the reaction, pay more attention to YOUR action/reaction. Be cheery, even when he gives you the "oh my God, I'm hugging a spider." That's my personal fave! Or the quick turn of the face to "please only kiss me on the cheek..." Seems now I'm doing that while H aims for the lips.
Consider it this way. His lack of affection, etc. is SINCERE...he's not acting, not able to lead a double life...which means he actually cares about the sincerity of the M. That's good. I was always happy that H pushed me away, and told me bluntly that he was confused and not ready to put his all into working on the M. At least it's honest. He may be lying about other things, but you have that. In the end, I've always been grateful that H has never lied about his feelings toward me, his desire to be with me...however harsh, I would hate for him to overestimate that.
Keep on hanging in there....when you're feeling about to scream, remind yourself of the phase you're in...DETACHED. Meaning, NO expectations, and take solace and joy in the fact that you reached out in a friendly way to a friend...how nice of you! PERIOD.
