GH, I am responding to your post on my thread as yours is locked up.
Anyway, it really helps me to see my H's point of view thru your eyes. Like you, he was ALWAYS the one to initiate ML. Lot's of times I rejected him and I can't really tell you why. I did have a self esteem issue and a poor body image that probably contributed to my not wanting to be naked, etc. H got tired of trying all the time and probably felt like either she doesn't enjoy sex or she doesn't enjoy it with me as she never seemed to have a problem with it in past relationships. His walls went up without me even knowing. He probably felt that way for years and settled for an "almost" sexless marriage. That I believe is our problem. The A and the OW are just a byproduct of that. I don't believe he intended to get involved with someone else. But he was feeling down and vunerable and someone came along and made him feel good about himself.
Now that he has decided to stay in our marriage I have to somehow convey to him that I do find him sexy and attractive and a fantastic lover. I do not want to hurt his ego or pride in any way so I feel this is a very delicate situation. GH, since you are in a way in the same boat as my H - could we role play for a while? What would you need me to do to make you feel safe in our R?
