Mama--SO glad for the string of nice days. I've been having those too. Though it feels fake, b/c there is still so much to resolve and so much unsaid (esp. about the A in both of our cases), it's still a nice breath of fresh air. It's nice for me to see H happy, around ME. It's nice to be relaxed with a friend, to share a laugh and conversation.
Impact?? YES. I've found that having more of these times builds a "good" reserve of some sort...the hugs, thank yous, smiles all matter. When the R talk does come up and gets ugly, there is more compassion in the both of you, less defensiveness, less anger, resentment, and more willingness to understand. The positive vibes of many good days together build warmth that's likely to carry into a touchy conversation. My new attitide of calm and gentleness really made a difference in my H. He's now more willing to talk...not totally, but more. I'm more willing to be calm, and let the A subject slide for now and to be patient and understanding.
Being nice to each other brings out the best in us....puts us on our best behavior.
So, may seem like little gestures...but keep it up...it's for the best.
