I think that if you weren't experiencing some sort of mood swings that there is something wrong with you.
That being said, I have to believe that this is one of the hardest things that one could ever go through. I have a counselor that I started seeing last fall to help me deal with the grief over my mother's terminal illness, and have stayed with her now for my M issues. (Haha, what marriage??) Both she and my OBGYN have suggested that I consider antidepressants if I should get to the point where I feel I can't handle this. .
Also, being the resourceful little bee that I am, I have done A LOT of research into managing the M-crises, and nearly every resource says that every one of us should AT LEAST have a counselor, and may need a short course of medication to help manage this rotten burden.
For myself, I have thus far chosen not to take up the offers. I have an unfortunate amount of experience with mental illness and medication, and after living with maniac/bipolar/borderline family members for so long, I think I am pretty in-tune with myself. I am aware of when I cycle and I am able to (in most instances) step back and recognize when my emotional responses are inappropriate and probably due to more than what is actually happening.
Does that make sense??
The bottom line: If you don't have an individual C for yourself yet, please consider getting one. They can help you monitor your 'emotional pulse' and help you learn to identify critical moments. Working with that C is the single best way to determine whether medication is warranted. Drugs can be great, but they are also over prescribed.
YOU have the final word. Drugs won't make it all better, but they can help.
GH and Kathi, Thanks so much for the response. I guess I was putting too much expectations on my H that he just can't handle right now. As far as the kids, I just wanted him to validate ME and tell me that I am doing a great job and those people will be sorry when they leave. As for our R, I don't want much - just a hug from him telling me that things will be allright. I'm not looking for some huge confession where he begs my forgiveness and expresses his undying love for me (yet-lol) just a hug.
I did see a C briefly but again I think my expectations of counseling are too high. I wanted her to give me answers, the magic bullet so to speak. I felt like I was just talking, which I can do here. I have 6 more sessions left that my insurance pays for so I guess I should take advantage of them. But since I don't know whats broken I don't know what to fix, ya know. When I asked my H if he wanted to go with me his response was "I don't care", that doesn't really sound like he is interested. I wish he would go because he has this anger problem that I have NEVER seen until the last 6 months. I know that my moods trigger something in him that sets him off. Last night he put his fist thru our bedroom door. This really scares me. Help!
I'm out in limbo land myself and am not in a place where i can offer sane advice. All I can say is that my counselor has helped. I did feel as if I was only talking, but I have put in practice what I've learned here and now I begin each session with what I would like to accomplish - be it work on self-esteem, improve communications, etc. He's helped me with his insight and, as I talk, he's helped me analyze and look at things differently. I also told him from the beginning I was looking for solutions and I've been coming up with them, with his guidance. At first I thought, what a rip off, i'm doing all the work here and wasting my money. But now, the more I do it, the better I'm getting at finding the solutions on my own and the easier it will be to walk without him telling me what to do. Does this make sense?
Quote: I did see a C briefly but again I think my expectations of counseling are too high. I wanted her to give me answers, the magic bullet so to speak. I felt like I was just talking, which I can do here. I have 6 more sessions left that my insurance pays for so I guess I should take advantage of them. But since I don't know whats broken I don't know what to fix, ya know.
Ok, my brief experience with my C has taught me that there are two ways I approach my sessions. Sometimes, I am just happy to, yes, talk to a human that is trained to listen. Unlike most other humans I could talk to, at least in person so this board doesn't count, she DOES listen and validate what I say. I find that helps VERY much sometimes. Other times, I go in with a specific question and am looking for answers from her. Sometimes she is able to answer my question, other times she is not but does manage to help me anyway by steering me towards the answer and allowing me to come up with it myself. I know there are many different styles of therapy and each therapist does things differently but I do think it's important to have somewhat of an idea why you are there in order to get the most out of it you can.
SO, why are YOU there then? Well, from where I sit, you are there to explore YOUR feelings and emotions, specifically, your moods and feelings about what is going on. This board is fine for venting and getting some lay-people's advice, but I have found that even if all my C does is basically repeat what I hear from you all, it helps me and validates what I am thinking.
In short, GO TO YOUR C NOW! Go with an open mind and with the idea that you want to learn to calm yourself, center yourself and understand more about who you are and why you do what you do.
Lucita and GH, I think you are both correct that I need to go back to my C. I just want to be sure she is the correct person that I should be speaking with. They all have different letters after their names. Which one should I be seeing? Mine is a LCPC.
I don't know what the offical DB-stance is on dealing with spouses that put their body parts through poor, defenseless, inanimate objects, but my stance is please be careful.
Maybe that is one line/limit that you should think about etching in stone??
I don't know yet because I haven't been put in that place, but to me in the situation I am in, physical injury is in a different category than the PA/EA stuff. I find myself accepting a lot of crap wrt to emotional 'abuse' (used loosely), but my own physical well being is sacred to me.
Actually, a LONG time ago, I told H that if he EVER dared to reach out and strike me, he'd be pullin back a stump... Seems a bit barbaric now, but I think he got the point
Please take care of yourself--nobody here wants to see you hurt like that!!!
BTW, I meant to comment on the hand through the door thing as well. I echo strong. Be careful with that and maybe make sure you express your feelings to him about it if you have not already. He need to know that you won't tolerate things getting physical!
I mentioned his anger to him this morning and the fact that there was a hole in the door. He looked totally lost, like he didn't even remember doing it. Anyway, that is definitely where I draw the line. Cops will be called if I ever feel physically threatened in any way. Thanks for caring.
Now, I must take a break and go get something accomplished today. Later...
Journaling... Friday H had to work late, since the "outburst" Thursday I figured he would go out after work. We did talk on the phone during the day and I apologized and he did as well. I went running around with the kids not expecting him to come home. When we got home he was here! Worried! Didn't know where we were. Saturday, Sunday and Monday were all really nice days. Weather was beautiful so we spent alot of time outside with the kids. We have a front porch so each night we sat outside on our rocking chairs listening to music and talking about both the past and the future. We both seem to be going above and beyond in the nice department. Hugs and a kiss at bedtime. Really want more, but I'm sure that will come in time. I have been tempted to say something about it but I don't want to put any pressure on our R. I am learning to control my emotions and thoughts. Have an appt. with my C this week. Overall, things are going well.
