Ok, things around here have been fairly pleasant this week. I have initiated a few hugs (and was hugged back) as well as a couple of kisses and ILY's. I REALLY want to have another R talk but I feel that I drive him crazy so I will hold off. Last night he said to me, "Why don't you sleep in our bed?" Huh, I'm thinking to myself, don't you remember you told me a while back that you didn't want to even sleep next to me? This must be a MLC thing, do they say things and then not remember? Anyway, I said maybe I would, so I did. When he left for work he came over and gave me a hug. Baby step?
As far as goals go, my #1 goal would be: I want to know that the OW is out of his life . This is going to be difficult since she is a co-worker. I do know that they talk on the phone at least 2-3 times a week (the last time being last Thursday)
Goal #2: I need to feel like he is really trying to rebuild our R
Goal #3: I want to have open and honest conversations with him This is where I will have to be less defensive as in the past he said he feels like he can't talk to me because I get so upset.
Goal #4: I want passion and intimacy back in our M
These goals seem like my H needs to be the one to do the work. I need to figure out what I can do to get the ball rolling. I don't want to sit here waiting for him to do these things but I also don't want to pressure him. When we don't talk about the OW or the state of our R things are calm but I feel like there is a big pink elephant in the room. If I bring up our R it doesn't always turn out the way I want.
So I guess I answered my own question, I will continue to be positive and supportive and not pushy. I will continue to treat him lovingly but give him space. I will stop putting so much energy into fixing our M and redirect my energy into improving myself. Time will tell...
