This guy may be well intentioned but I couldn't help but focus on a couple of things you said he's done...(Example she took a nap the other day and he cleaned her apartment from top to bottom while she slept. Even scrubbed the bathroom out.(I need a man like that). I have always cut up D19 meat. It was a thing I did to make her feel special as a kid and teenager. Well now he cuts her meat up no matter how upscale restraunt they are at or whos company they are in.)
I agree GEL. Glad I wasn't the only one who viewed those as "parentifying." There is just something "creepy" (to me) about that set-up. If you're D was 30 and he was 50, I might not be as bothered by it, so maybe it's her age that is bugging me. Not even an adult yet and dating someone who she has....what exactly...in common with?? I understand the attraction on each end but where can this possibly head? Not that you are responsible for her dating life anymore Chrissy, but as a mom I would be concerned. As far as my own dating experience, I just can't see having a "real" R with someone more than 5-10 years older or younger than me. The generation gap starts to play a larger role. Will they get my jokes? Will they have a similar pop culture frame of reference and all sorts of stupid stuff that seems so "fluff" but would mean a lot in a long term R. Opposites may attract, but studies have shown that the more similar people are, the better off they are long term together. And I think someone else made a good point, that after having this "princess" type experience with him, even if she is taking it casually, it may really mess her up for future "normal" R's. Lots of issues with this one.
Chrissy, I hope I am wromg about your D's new boyfriend, but pimps have many of the similar tactics. Do lotsof things gor the girl. make them feel obligated. Get the girl kooked on the R then sell them to overseas buyers, in which case, even a moma-bear attitude won't help protect her.
This is TV programming that I have seen. It rarely happens, but it does.
Ya know I started dating my late fiancee when I was 34....he was 50. At that time though I had matured and had many of the skills I have today, skills I absolutely didn't have at 19....andwe did have many things in common...but him treating me like a "parent" definitely wasn't on the agenda.
Chances are this is lesson that Chrissy's D will have to learn on her own. If Chrissy keeps her eyes/ears open and her guard up towards this guy, as well as her arms/heart open towards her daughter (which I believe she will) hopefully all will work out fine and eventually this romance will run it's course.
The cutting her meat thing her best friends do it also and so did her soon to be ex it is just a spoiled thing with her.
Oddly I guess I looked at these things as good indications that the guy was willing to do anything she wanted him to and also to make her happy. Guess I will think this one over to
You hit on something I have been thinking. Obviously from my earlier post I agree with the arm charm ego boost concept of the whole situation.
I also have wondered with his schedule and travel if it is not hard to have a real relationship with a more matured person and that younger woman tend to tolorate it for a longer period of time being enchanted by gifts and the romantic/special treatment aspect sort of the lady in waitting type concept.
I have also wondered about the woman at every port type thing. And have talked to my D about all of these issues.
I am sure that the Italian accent and all has her a bit mor ennamored then I would like. But I was guilty of this at her age also. My Ex was from England and I use to love to hear him talk. I could listen for hours. And since I actually experienced some of what she when I was younger living in CA where I dated a TV director and a actor I can only hope that I can draw on that and keep her grounded.Life is about experiences and lessons. Experience as much as you can and learn as much as you can from it. I raised her with that theroy and I believe she understands it. I can only have faith at this time in her judgement. (Okay and pry a bit to )
Hey sweetie. I was just thinking of finishing some house painting I had started and you popped to mind. I was wondering what house improvements you are in the mist of these days.
I have a feeling that this is gonna be a whilwind relationship. D19 has only been in one real relationship in the past. And I do not think she is ready to enter into another long term relationship right now. I think she is just looking at it as someone to do something with on occassion more then being real emeshed in the situation.
And hey now that I am thinking about it maybe the guy wanted to take a shower or get something to eat and thought she was a lousy house keeper and felt a need to clean it first.(not that she is a total slob at her house just not real use to doing it for herself).
A short term (year or two) R with an older, more sophisticated man can be a good thing for a young woman. It can add some polish, acquaint her with the ways of the world. You can certainly learn a lot more than dating another 19-year old who works at Wal-Mart.
I dated a much older man when I was in my 30's (he was 28 years older). I never felt an age gap between us. He was very young at heart, but was very sophisticated in terms of having been all over the world and just knew how to get around and act in public. You could take him anywhere and he was absolutely delightful and gracious. He could talk to anyone, and was equally comfortable in jeans, a tuxedo, or naked, for that matter. He loved me very much, and used to do stuff for me... installed some track lighting, did stuff around my apartment, and yes, gave me money from time to time, bought me flowers, and my favorite: Asti Spumanti. He was a very loving guy (now deceased). That relationship was a great blessing in my life (and I think, in his).
For those girls I knew long ago, I think the lesson they had to deal with was what was the price of their self respect. It was a very tough choice for them. I saw them struggle with it. When there is no shortage of money, no price is too high. Everyone can be bought. And when the girl is vulnerable to material things and is having a hard time supporting herself, then the money can be too strong a temptation. Everyone has their price, at least for a while. All those girls eventually left on their own. I do not think they were better off for the experience.
As I just stated to Lou. And the more I think about it the more comfortable I am with the sitch. I don't think my daughter is being unrealistic and plotting out a future with this guy. I know she is not looking to fall in love and live happily ever after at this time. I am sure she is just in it for the enjoyment of company at this time.
And I think someone else made a good point, that after having this "princess" type experience with him, even if she is taking it casually, it may really mess her up for future "normal" R's
True or it could be a good balance for her to see that the treated like [censored] experience she got the first time and that the way her dad and mines relationship is not the normal relationship. And something that she has to settle for.
I see issues I see this relationship never evolving into anything large scale. I am not going to make the man a monster in my mind I have to many male figures that play that role already. Other then the not understanding the body guard issues I am not going to become to concerned with this unless I see my daughters attitude change. well lets admit it I have no real say in the matter anyhow she is a adult.
My daughter is not having a hard time of it financially. D19 makes 800-1200 a week working part time. She is well aware she can do this with just simply being friendly and smiling. No need to spread her legs to get what she wants. So I am not real concerned that she is doing something that her will effect her self respect. We have discussed this and I have told her that under no circumstances is she to quit her job and become a kept woman. And at this time I do not think my D is doing anything that will damage her self respect. She is still learning and maintaining her independence. Though the guy has bought her a few presents. Sun glasses from Paris a purse from ? I forgot and a watch I dont think at this point she has excepted anything that will make her feel bought. He has offered to jet set her off a few places but she has declined. (she does not like flying). And has only went to semi local places with him. He has told her that he would like to take her to England so she can meet her grandfather. And she informed him maybe later and only if I travel with them there.
I think more then any thing she is taking this casually and viewing it more in the lines he can hold her interest and so she likes him and likes spending time with him for now.
