Yes I am truely looking for a apartement. Actually there is some low income ones taking apps and I was thinking about applying even though I hate the thought of what kind of riff raff might live there. We have some a few blocks from us and ohh the drugs the cops are always there.
My dead line is mid June if nothing seems to be working out for me by then I may just go up home for the summer. But that is not my first choice just a back up.
I did tell H that I had the idea that if I got a small apartment he could stay there on the days he works and I would stay here at the house with the kids. Then when he is off I would stay there and he could stay her with the kids. Rotating parents instead of kids until everyone adjust. Don't know if it would work just a thought. I also mentioned the controlled seperation so H would not get the idea that this is about someone else. Which I am sure will come into play reguardless. Even though I am home all the time he will imagine up something.
I really think that once the intial shock of this is over. That this could be a good thing that being on my own for a while will force me out of my depression state. Not having to do for my self allows me to remain inactive which adds to the depression.
And heck who knows maybe after I pull myself together we can pull ourselfs together. Or maybe by then he will say uhh no thanks my life is better off now.
I am trying to stay positive so fear of the unknown and whats to comes does not overwhelm me.
Oh lol I don't have a Cell phone I am almost always home no need for a extra bill.
