I have made a choice now I am planning a strategy. Rome was not built in a day.
H has been so bothersome in the sex dept the last week. I finally did the just do it sex. Tee he I had already taken my meds so this morning I did not even remember we had sex. When he made a comment about I must have been ffcked up because I did not put any feeling into it. I just looked at him and said I never put any feeling into it. That has what I have been trying to tell you. I guess I am still trying to make my point and hope he sees it one day.
Hey how was the kids easter? I have been munching on 3 musketeer bars I bought for in there basket but some how never made it in. Ahhh shameless I am.
Thank you very much. I guess your prayers must be working. Had a few tornado's touch down today. Trees hit two of my neighbors houses but other then loosing power most of the afternoon we were untouched.
As a whole I am safe in my household. Though my H does not make me feel safe if that makes sense.
The local police are aware of my H and his temper. They have been called here before. The woman shelter is aware of my H's behavior because they put myself and my daughter up one night when we were removed from our home.
The hospital had to notify the police when I came in with a back injury from the time my H put me over a coffee table and into a wall. So I am on the local battery registry.
She is scared which is just what he wants
Actually oddly enough I am not scared right now. I have been for the past two years fear and my kids are what made me come back and stay. But as I see it there is nothing he can do to me that is any worse then what I have already been living through by being so cut off from life and being so unhappy. Which seems to have relieved some of the fear that has kept me so paralized. Also my daughter moving out has given me one less person I have to worry about getting caught in the cross fire which has relieved some pressure I have felt to just keep treading water.
Otherwise go find the best around. Can you put the legal fees on a credit card? Worry about the money later. Your H will have to pay half of it anyway.
Why do I need the best lawyer. Other then my kids there is nothing of value for me to fight over. He can have the house and the $1200.00 a month mortgage I don't want it. We don't have much debt other then a few hospital bills are cars are paid off. Just the general every day bills.
North Carolina requires you to be seperated for a year before you can get a divorce. And it has to be a legal seperation. If I can file it myself I won't even need a attorney.
I'm going to be blunt here....if you think this (What I am saying is if she thinks it is safe enough to stay, then this guy is bluff.) then I have to wonder how many people you've known who have truly lived in abusive situations. It seems so very black and white doesn't it? Abusive situation.....leave! Unfortunately it just often isn't so simple because there are factors such as fear, unpredictability, and irrational behavior to consider....add to that combo the fact that her H has a history of not controlling his anger and BOOOM!
My 1st H was VERY abusive, I stayed much longer than I should have for a variety of reasons.....one of which was the fear of what would happen if/when I really tried to leave. Yes, most of the time her H may be bluffing...just as my XH was, BUT he's unpredictable....and when threatened or feeling like he's losing control over things, is likely to snap.....he did this once before when Chrissy tried to leave.
Chrissy, IMPO....because your H has behaved this way to you in the past, I would really recommend that at a minimum you have the police present when you are leaving, for the protection of you and your children. Your H won't be likely to do anything with cops already there. As you stated before, they are already aware of what your H is capable of....with them there, he's more likely to behave....thereby making your exit easier.
I did this with one of my best friends who was trying to extracate herself from an abusive boyfriend. She happened to work with me....she came back to the office after going home at lunch and was an emotional wreck with bruises about her neck. We immediately left the office and went and got a restraining order. When we had finished that, we drove back to my office and called the cops to meet us. They (2 big male cops) followed us over to her house....and stayed with us the entire time while the cops escorted him out. Actually they ended up escorting him out with handcuffs, because he had already left bruises on her (drug her out of her car by her hair earlier that day).....but had he behaved while we were packing his stuff....he might have had an easier time of things. Although the cops didn't realize she actually had bruises at first....then they were obligated to arrest him....anyway, I digress.
Looks like it's going to come down to you and the kids leaving since you stated you have no reason to want the house....so having the cops present will be definitely to your advantage. That way should he snap and get out of line....they can handle it for you.
North Carolina requires you to be seperated for a year before you can get a divorce. And it has to be a legal seperation. If I can file it myself I won't even need a attorney Same in NY. Although you may get D without the year wait if you have grounds such as adultery/abuse, etc. Maybe it is the same in your state. As for not using a lawyer, well, we had to file a seperation agreement in which we both agreed to all the terms and we both had to sign. I don't think you can file a separation agreement on your own because that is basically the document in which you figure out the money issues, division of assets, kids visitation, all that fun stuff. We were able to complete that without a lawyer but that is very rare. If your H is not in agreement, you need representation, I would think.
Chrissy: I just did a quick google search for "north carolina legal aid divorce" and came up with lots of resources. One notable site was this one which gave three reasons not to be a pro se litigant in a divorce. Reason number one was "presence of domestic violence in the marital relationship." There's a lot of good advice on that site, even if you decide not to use their services.
I agree with you. If he is abusive and dangerous she should get out. Period. If she decides to stay, I am assuming it is because he is not dangerous and abusive, but merely trying to intimidate and control. Then, how can anyone possibly stay in a relationship and be intimidated and controlled forever? Either do something about it or leave. If it is too dangerous to do something about it, then she should not even consider staying.
At the time I wrote my comments, I was under the impression that she was still thinking about staying. To me that meant he was not dangerous (even with that EMPTY gun stunt). Therefore she needed to confront him. I have been making my comments from the perspective of trying to salvage the marriage. If it is past that point, then we are all wasting our time, except for words of comfort. She only needs to talk to a lawyer.
I also agree with you that if Chrissy is moving out and he is that dangerous, calling the cops to protect her while moving is a good idea.
I wholeheartedly agree with that statement.....which is precisely why when I left my XH, I waited until he was gone.....packed a bag, got my cat and left with $40 dollars in my pocket. There have been so many things that Chrissy has said about her H that have reminded me of my XH. There's a big part of me that just wants to go where she is and stand there with a big lead pipe in my hand while she packs. Just that protective friend/sister thing kicking in I guess.
There's a big part of me that just wants to go where she is and stand there with a big lead pipe in my hand while she packs. Just that protective friend/sister thing kicking in I guess.
Omg Gel I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said. Thank you!
