As per my H's past behavior yes you could say he is full of [censored]. But more then anything he was controlling and manipulating me with his threats. Which has been a pattern throughout the course of our relationship. He no longer can play that trumph card any longer. I have flat out told him that from now on threats of self injury are meaningless words to me. So in the future he has only two options to actually inflict the injury on himself or me. Or to control his behavior. I will be mentally prepared for the second.
I have been calling him out for his yelling and cussing at me for months. It has had some effect. Like I said he has been controlling his behavior to a degree. What I am left with is the residual effects of 15 years of this behavior and how it has effected the way I view this man. These are the things I was seeking time to sort through and rebuild from what good there is. But unfortunately H does not see our relationship as I do leaving it difficult to be on the same page.
As he starts to screams, just detach,
I have done this for so long I am detached at all times. Hence my inability to feel any type of EC with my H. And all my efforts to understand him and myself in a effort to reattach in some mannor.
I am sure he will say you don’t do enough for him, you control the kids, the family, blah, blah, blah. The irony is that you feel the same way!
Actually no I cannot say the same thing. My H tries to do things for me as in acts of services on a fairly regular basis. He makes me tea he will let me sleep in and gets the kids up for school ect. But the damage from his controlling nature over my individuality and his angry outburst and nasty attitude over rides what effect those acts of service have on me.
Does your H also have a troubled past that causes him to be so insecure?
Other then the fact his mother favored his older brother I do not know of anything that would cause him to be insecure.
I know you don’t react violently as he does
Actually there was a time that I had started to act out violently. It was part of my falling apart stage. I held things in and was so angry that my frustration started raging out of control. But once I realized the effect it was having on everyone around me it was like being slapped in the face with a icy towel and I modified my behavior. And went back to detatching from any overstressing situations. Which is now one of my biggest down falls and part of my depressive state. I want to sleep through it all and not deal with it. I am trying very hard to get out of this mind set but it is hard I become so tired so easy.
Re-enmesh with your H. He is dependent on you for his sense of security, for his sense of purpose and who knows what else.
I don't want to re-enmesh with my H. I don't want to control these things in my H. My H views me as his world. That is to large of a burden for a individual to carry the total responsiblity of anothers universe. Even if we were to work things out. His obsessive compulsive behavior for me is alot of what has brought us where we are. He has enmeshed so much of him in me he thinks we are to be one. This is another part of my depression. I am Chrissy not Richard nor do I want to be Richard I want to be allowed to be Chrissy.
Let me ask you Chrissy, have you read Schnarch
No but with all the talk of this book on the board I plan on it. Just gotta make it down to the local lib when it is in. I am on a waitting list.
But you two are your own worse enemy
I agree. But we are also each others greatest enemies.
