Holy Cow! This is an crazy thread to pop up on a Monday morning as I check into the board. Crzy because of the the situation... and Crazy as to my association with it. Much of the argument did sound like Chrissy is playing the role of my wife and I am playing hte role of her husband in my arguments. (Up until I read the Gun part.. then all of that ended.. I have never been to that point, have never acted like THAT, and for the life of me could never imagine getting anywhere near that point!!!) But in regards to the sexual argument ALONE, I don't know if I should even be involved in this discussion. I have had to many arguments with my wife that have gone no where and I don't want to put Chissy into that kind of horrid loop.
I do have to say that I have heard so many of these arguments before...
Quote: Okay what part of I will not want to have sex until we improve our relationship and this is gonna take time. Was not clear? What part of I need to worry about me right now and my depression and not be pushed was not clear? What part of I know that it is not fair but it is what I need right now was not clear?
Quote: H is not strong enough to give me this. He does not understand.
I swear I have heard this argument word for word so many times. And you know what.... I didn't understand. I'll admit that. My wife thought she was being incredibly clear. She thought she was expressing herself in very clear terms. But that is beacuse, in her own mind, with her background, it all made perfect sense to her. But me, coming from a totally different background, I couldn't understand. I didn't get it.
She said she wanted space and that we couldn't have sex until she got that space. My mind said "give her a few days to calm down and then try to show my love again. While she is in this crazy place and trying to sort out her feelings, she needs to know that she is loved. And how do I demonstrate my love? By initiating." Right or wrong, that is how my mind worked. I was filled with all those "Intimacy is the glue that holds a relationship together". "It helps husbands and wices bond and reconnect". "It is the ultimate stress relief and show of love."
So yes, my wife would say all of those things, and PLEASE don't get me wrong, if this guy is really playing with guns and has violent tendancies, then GET OUT and GET AWAY! I don't want to be on the side of someone like that. But I have seen the sexual arguments from the opposite point and I was just trying to do what "IN MY BRAIN AT THE TIME, was the right thing to do.
When my wife said all those things to me, I too was doing what I thought was the right thing by giving her space for a few days then trying to reconnect.
There is a lot to think about in this discussion! I better update my own discussion to see if my actions over the weekend helped or hindered, so I don't hijack your thread.
Bottomline, Chrissy, I have an especially big place in my heart for you right now, as I know the type of situation you are dealing with and I know that it is rough. But due to the fact that we will see things opposite from each other, I do't wnat to make things worse. If you have questions of me, feel free to ask, I'll gladly respond with my POV, but I don't want to make things worse by having my opposite view put you in a worse place.
I'm here if you need me, use me as a resource. I'm Happy to help. No pun intended.
