Quote: Then there is the fear the fear for my self and others physical saftey.This is large to me and real to me. But there are laws for stalkers and abusers. There are things to protect myself with. But in truth they only work if you or someone else is not dead.. AHH FEAR. And in truth I really don't want to deal with these fears again. They are massive within me. But is the lack of wanting to deal really a good reason to stay. (I can truthfully state fear does rule my life to a large degree right now).
There's a lot of history in that one thread, Cobra.
Quote: The only time I am in real physical danger is when I try to make a run for it (jail break). As long as I remain here there is no real physical fear just threats.
Until last year I never feared my H would hurt my kids. And sanely he would not. But last year he lost his power of threat of killing himself that had held me for so many years. When he put a gun in his mouth I said give me 5 minutes to get the kids out of here then go ahead and do it. S14 was the one who spazed and begged and so forth.
When the cops finally showed up and gave me the gun to unload and I saw there was no bullets. Yeah it took all that power away from him. And he knows he lost his means of controlling me.
So without that power is where my new fear arose from. The way he goes insane when I have tried to leave I am afraid he will loose all reason since he no longer holds his trumph card. If I ever try to leave if it will be the push into total blind insanity. When he is worked up I do believe he has the capablity to really hurt me and if the kids be in the wrong place them also. I also fear that his rage towards me leaving would brew until not only was I to pay for leaving him the kids if they choose to come with me would be become a source of anger and would need to pay for deserting him also.
