Spring the time for Change.

[MJontheMend]

I really feel sorry for both you and your husband. I am probably not unlike your husband except for the fact that I have gained more insight into my sich. You have stated that you feel like you need your H to really back off sexually in order for you to stop feeling so reflexively negative about his attempts to initiate. So, in a way, you are suggesting that he should do what I have been doing on my own initiative for the last 8 monthes- not initiating and trying to be positive about not initiating. On one hand, I think this is a good idea because it would probably help you to get back in touch with your own desire. OTOH, I think this is a bad idea because eventually your H will start feeling like I currently feel. Since, HD folks tend to link feelings of love with feelings of desire, suppressing feelings of desire leads to suppression of feelings of love. Also, as time goes on and the LD spouse show no sign of ever wanting you to initiate sex, there is a natural tendency to feel like your LD spouse considers the sexual part of your nature to be bad or at best valueless. Since we all have the desire to be loved for who we are in entirety including our sexual nature and since nobody likes to think of their sexuality as being bad, a HD person like me who is feeling self-confident and generally in control of her emotional state and behavior will not long remain happy under these circumstances. While it is true that I will never again behave in any sort of counter-productive HD manner, it is also true that if my H doesn't figure out how to appreciate and respond positively to my sexual nature and needs, I will probably choose to leave this relationship.