I don't know what to do

[RBinBR]

now_broken, let me add a slightly different perspective to what GH posted. You are correct in saying that you DO NOT bear any responsibility for your H's decision to cheat. That decision was his and his alone.

At the same point in my sitch I would likely have wanted to punch anyone in the mouth for saying anything different.

What I will say is that at some point, if you truly love your H, you will start to see past your own hurt and anger just a little bit and have compassion on him. You will realize that he is tormented by his sin and its effect on you. You will realize that this would not have happened if there were not issues in his past or in your marriage (or both) that needed to be dealt with. If you are honest, you will realize that there were things that you did that damaged your relationship that contributed to allowing this to happen. If you decide that you want to rebuild your marriage stronger than it was before, you will ultimately need to examine those things and fix them, even though it now feels that he should have to do all of the fixing.

I will also tell you that the fastest way out of the intense pain that you feel is the path of forgiveness. When I forgave my W, days after she told me, the anger and hurt melted away and I was able to focus just on loving her. We've been through a lot worse since then (she went back to the OM and lived with him), but God has richly blessed my decision to forgive her.

Ultimately, you cannot control your H. You can only control yourself. In many ways, this is the greatest challenge in your life. How are you going to respond?

Take care.