I don't know what to do

[now_broken]

Um, well, if you take NO blame for this, or at least understand that things may not have been as perfect as you describe them, then it will be hard to ever see your H as anything but a heartless, disrespectful monster, who could NEVER be worthy of your love or the perfect marriage you created for him.

I did not create a perfect marriage--we worked on it together. We created it. And I do see my H as "a heartless, disrespectful monster" at the moment when he made the decision to cheat on me. I know that he is remorseful now, but at that very moment he was not.

On the inside she is miserable and wants to be a messy, B student who has time for hanging out with friends and "being a kid".

I never required perfection and my H was allowed to be a "messy B student".

Like I said, you may be perfectly correct in your assessment of all this, and I would suspect that due to the way H is reacting to you knowing about the A, that you are either 90% correct in your feeling that the marriage was near perfect and he has realized what he has lost, and he's now desperate to get it back, OR he is still reacting in that "don't want to let Now_Broken down" way, and thus ignoring the reasons why he strayed in the first place.

I never asked him to be so perfect that he never lets me down, because he had in many ways before and it WAS Ok, because he is human. And I had asked him this time to be honest enough not to do anything to try to impress me so that I would stay. I always told him that if he tries to live in a specific way only because of me he might eventually get tired and fail, I always encouraged him to make changes first of all because of himself, and then for me. I hope that helps you to see that I am not trying to avoid taking my responsibility in it.

I think I should say that of course, there are men and women who would stray from being God's husband or wife just "because". There are people for whom relationships, no matter how good, have no holding power. I think you and I both know that our H and W are NOT those people.

I thought that he was not one of those people, but now I highly question it. I thought that I knew the man I married, but it turns out I lived with a stranger.

I guess I will have to ask his opinion about this topic tonight.