Joe, I understand completely! My H's best friend and I fell for each other. we only talked on the phone and in email but we were total suport for each other in really bad marriages. Its so sad in the end the friendships destroyed the trauma to the marriages. I know I felt so torn! here I was trying to do the right thing and stay in this marriage I was so miserable in for the sake of my children. When here was this great guy I was crazy about that had everything in common with me and it was so much more then our spouses had with us. I just felt like what am I doing here when there is someone that is so right for me that feels the same way. But you know what I never saw him that way in the previous 12 years I knew him! I felt it was our bad situations that drew us together. I chose to open up to him about my situation because I didnt think he would judge my H, I didnt think there was the slightest chance of feelings developing he was like a brother to my H, and I felt if anyone could get through to my H he could. I know its hard to let go and stop thinking about her because of where things were. but remember it wasnt reality you didnt have to live real everyday life with her. you had all the good and none of the bad. you and your W went through the day to day hardships and stress while you and this ow got to talk and discover each other. I went through a hard time letting go but try to remember you are not giving her up to have the same unhappy marriage you are going to work on making a happy great marriage. its slow its work but its worth it! Its not the easy fix but in the long run its better. There are reasons you two ended up where you did, it was a side effect or symptom of the real problems that need fixing. I know with us we had to deal with my H's anger over the betrayal of his W and his closest friend since he was 4 years old! and he had to work a recovery program for his alcholism and learn to handle his rage and anger problem. I had to learn to let go of the past abuse I endured from my H, let go of my feelings for the om, and work my own recovery program. Its been a tough uphill battle. but things are getting much better and our family is intact. eventually the ow will start to feel distant from especially when you and your w learn what each others needs are and start to fill them.
