I'm worn out, spent, and my body feels broken. To recap, after the offer on the home finally came together and after the buyer's home inspection, I became committed to move up the closing date to May 10 for a couple of reasons. H seems to have a hard time coming up with the mortgage payments lately (even though at other times he hints at all the business he is doing) so I thought that if I just put my head down and plow through it I should get out before the next mortgage payment. Boy did I underestimate both the amount of work and H commitment to help. He "needed 2 wks notice before he could schedule a time to come and help" clean out HIS garage, and HIS portion of the basement, not to mention the joint home maintenance/garden type tools and equipment. He came once for 2 hours and then again for six hours. However both times he spent clearing out his "hobby items" and NOT the joint family items. During his first 2 hour visit, he said that he would come both the following Sat and Sun. It ended up that he came only on Sat leaving me with a hugh garage clean up--and it was heavy work.
My 85 year old mom and I have NEVER worked so hard, pretty much non-stop for 2 weeks. We were spending 15 hour days clearing out and packing and moving what we could. One night I checked on her after she had been in bed only 10 minutes and I feared she had died she was sleeping so soundly.
One night near the end of it and out of frustration, I left a VM for my attny, pretty much screaming into the phone that I was exhausted and that H had not helped, and that I wanted financial compensation for all my moms and my effort. (that felt good ) The next day I received a controlled anger kind of call from H stating that he would have been perfectly willing to help but needed that "two-week notice".
I could never get H to see my point of view and he wasn't about to start just then. HE was mad at me because I had not "communicated what needed to be done at the house before the closing" EARTH TO H: Everything needs to be moved out of the house before the closing!!
Leaving my house was sad. My mom was crying. I went back later and walked thru by myself and cried, not because I had to leave the house but that I've lost the future that I had pictured with my family and friends. And I sacrificed a great deal of myself to try to make things "normal" so that I could have the fulfillment of those dreams. The reality is that our sons instinctively knew (and withdrew) because things were not quite right with our relationship, and with their father.
I think that H's anger is a mask he is using at this time to cover the fact that we have just made a huge step towards the permanent dismantling of our family--selling the house.
I think that H's mom can get him riled up against me. (A few weeks ago, after we agreed on seperating " the household valuables" H called angrily demanding her Waterford crystal, something she had given me as a gift) I suspect that he had been with his mother that weekend. I ignored his request...lo and behold, he was not angry the next few times we talked)
My point about H's anger, is that I no longer care try to accomodate him. He has become a selfish man in these last 6 years and, if he were the least bit reflective, he would realize that. I am not detached from H; I am unleased. I plan on just "being still" for awhile, rebuilding my relationships with Ss and DILs and enjoying my life by myself and working on my career.
NLF
You must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. ---Leonardo da Vinci
) The next day I received a controlled anger kind of call from H stating that he would have been perfectly willing to help but needed that "two-week notice". 