It was a mental game for me. First I went and bought sexy panties and bras and other sundry items. I had a Brazilian wax done. I began to wear make up again. I started to dress better and that made me feel better. I started to smile a little more. I lost 40 pounds. I read books and posts and went on line to check out things about other women and low sex drives.
I made sure that each time my Husband saw me there was a subtle touch, a hug, I paid him a compliment, asked his opinion, flirted a little.
The first time he initiated ML again I was terrified because I was so afraid of dissapointing him again, BUT he noticed all of the little things I had been doing to make myself feel sensuous, and he was thrilled.
Unfortunately our visits together are so short but he will be home permanently soon and we are now in such a better place.
Sometimes I feel like a teenager again. He will call me and let me know EXACTLY what he is thinking about. Sex has become comfortable and it is no longer taboo.
We were talking this morning about some things and I told him that I was looking forward to our first fight. Yes that sounds strange, but I told him that I was really looking forward to the make up sex afterwards!
COG, our sex drives change so much after having children. I have been pregnant 12 times, I lost 4. My hormones and my body were so screwed up. I had 30 pounds to lose and I had depression and anxiety.
The trouble was I just didn't understand any of my feelings let alone my Husbands. It didn't mean that I didn't love him, I just was so exhausted from everything that I made him last on the list.
I am thankful that we are at a place now that we can talk about some of the past issues and he is so grateful that I made those changes.
I still have issues with some of the things my Husband does and doesn't do, but I think they will resolve themselves in time.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
