My love language is physical touch. I never really knew that before W and I separated. She touched me so much, almost too much that I just took it for granted. Now that she's not very touchy/feely I realize just how much I miss it. Typical human!
I'm not exactly sure what her LL is, she's a little protective of it. I believe it's kind words, support, honor, etc. She's said that she's had self esteem issue's, and my pre-separation personality really beat her down. I was critical, judgemental, and almost never complimented her. I wish she would have just told me to FO when I was out of line, but she did'nt know how to do that, and took things very personally. She was'nt raised having to deal with a judgemental and controlling jerk, so she did'nt know how to deal with it.
That's part of the reason why she's still struggling about being intimate. She keeps saying that early in our M she would have just melted at the things I'm doing now, but now she's just not receptive to it. She's having a hard time letting go of those old memories of me. It's almost like as if I had physically abused her. Part of her won't allow herself to be vulnerable again, and I can't blame her for that. If there's any blame, it should be mine. I was gifted the world, and I destroyed it. I don't harbor guilt, I recognize that I just did'nt have the training. My hereditary weaknesses passed on. I'm actually very proud of myself, and W is too, that I actually broke the cycle. I'm a changed man for sure, and I love the person I see in the mirror.
She was VERY into physical intimacy early in our M, and I was lukewarm. Now I'm very into it, and she's not. We look each other in the eye, and say that if we can just get on the same page, our R will be SO beautiful. I truly believe we WILL get there. She's still very hopeful, but not as confident as I am. She has so much love in her heart, she has a fireball exterior, yet she is so fragile and sensitive inside. We're trying to nurse her back to health.
I'm doing my best to stay alert to her love language. I keep the compliments, gratitude, support, and kind words flowing. She acknowledges and appreciates my behaivior and admits that she's sorry she can't speak my LL.
We all know the older we get, the harder it is to learn a new language. But anything is possible with God, my ace in the hole.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
