New to Piecing

[COG]

I have'nt posted here in awhile but I'm feeling the need right now. Hopefully there'll be some input for me.

Background:
W39
Me47
4 kids 8-14
separated for 4 years, now back together for the past six months.

Things started out fantastic when we first got back together. Physical intimacy, great convos about our future, etc. However, we've back slid somewhat. We've only been physically intimate once in the past few months. W says she's just not ready. She say's it's kind of like she's dating me and does'nt want to go all the way yet. I've been VERY patient and understanding and she would be the first to attest to that. She's praying for the kind of feelings a W should feel for her H.

I'm pulled two ways here. One part of me is patient, wants to hang in there, continues to show love, honor, support, care, generosity, compliments, etc. I am a peach at home, the perfect H. Although I'm starting to lack enthusiasm I still think she's beautiful and still have feelings for her.

The other side of me says, "I am over this". I've waited long enough. There are plenty of women out there, and I'm sick from not being fed! Why is this so difficult, even for two people that want it to happen? If it has'nt happened by now, it NEVER will and I am OK with that.

So, I'm generally pulled in two directions again. Although I had another thought today. As I pondered the fact that we are basically in the position that we were in a few years ago, I had a vision. It feels like we're working our way backward, through emotions that we had during our separation, and we're going to keep working back until we get to the point when wer were IL with each other. It may be wishful thinking, but I've got to have something to hang on to now don't I.

I have to keep reminding myself that I am much more attractive when I'm honey, than when I'm vinegar; that D is very hard on kids; that D rates are higher for 2nd M's than first M's; and that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

I went to mass this morning and the message I got was, "it's a long way from the bridge to the rocks".

Love,

COG