Quote: Maybe you just need to be clearer on the "behavior vs. person" aspect of your criticism. You love the man, but shouldn't have to endure being treated with disrespect by him . . . especially in front of others.
You are absolutely right, dear man. If (or rather when) this comes up, I will make that distinction clearer.
NHTom wrote:
Quote:
Quote: Why does H feel that I don’t accept ‘who he is.’
Because you don't:
Can you elaborate? I have a feeling this is manspeak for something and it doesn’t literally mean what it sounds. See, H and I are very different people and we have known this all along and accepted it to some degree. At times, we both feel engulfed because we are caught in a situation where accepting your partner for who they are means somehow giving up who you are. I can give practical examples of this from my perspective. Neither of us if wrong in what we want.
Quote: Is it easy for him to talk to you? Does he feel understood when he does?
He would probably say that I am not easy to talk to. I have gotten better over the last couple of years, and I do try. I think this would be a good question to ask him.
Lillieperl wrote:
Quote: My personal red flag popped out: y'all were drinking. Exactly how much alcohol did he have?
Not that much. One or two glasses of wine each. H did say later that he said things he wouldn’t have said when not under the influence of alcohol. I think it wasn’t so much about what he said, but the fact that he missed how uncomfortable I was.
Quote: Was the other guy talking about making a bunch of money at work? They were getting ready to take a trip? Build a house? Something about the kids? I agree that you need to make it clear he cannot diss you in front of others, but I'm really curious about exactly WHAT ticked him off enough to start sniping.
Lillie, it certainly wasn’t about them. My sis and BIL are absolute darlings, we get along great with them, they are in our income bracket etc. and it wasn’t a jealousy thing. If anything, they are going through a very rough patch right now dealing with primary infertility, so I’m confident it wasn’t anything they said or did. My guess is that he felt comfortable around them and the alcohol helped him vent. That’s all.
Karen wrote:
Quote: You have a lot of thoughts and emotions swirling around right now. That part is probably the PMS talking.
You can say that again, sista. I am having a bad cycle. This happens once every few months – I am emotional, anxious and sensitive and no fun to be around. The rest of your advice is sound and I am trying to leave it alone for now.
