Is it me? Need manspeak translation.

[MJontheMend]

I have a theory I was going to post but I think maybe IHJ's theory is better. I used to have the bad habit of teasing my H in public. Generally, it would be something fairly innocuous along the lines of how I have to do all the cooking because he can't fry an egg. At some point, I realized that this was PA behavior, as IHJ noted, and I made an effort to stop "riffing" in this manner and attempted to apologize to my H. However, in my sich since my H apparently has absolutely no ego attachment to his cooking ability, he told me that he just thought it was funny and it didn't really bother him.

If I attempt to analyze why I would complain about having to do all the cooking in a humorous way in public rather than in a straight-forward serious way in private, I would say it was a combination of wimpyness and also an attempt to get peer validation/advice one way or another on this issue, sort of the some of the same thing I seek on this BB. For instance, if Julie's H was teasing her about cracking the whip on the housework, he might be hoping some other H in the group would say something like "Yeah, my W busts my balls about being a slob too but you gotta do it because if Mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy.". If he respects the other H and feels like the other H has a good relationship with his W then Julie's H can feel more like he can be a man AND someone who cleans the bathroom just because his W wants him too. OTOH, maybe he really doesn't think it's fair that he should have to live up to Julie's standards but he's just too wimpy to broach the issue in an upfront manner. So when he teases her in public he is hoping some other H will say "Man, why do you put up with that cr*p. I told my W 'If you want to spend your Saturday mornings scrubbing the tile with a toothbrush, go for it! I'll be on the golfcourse'". That way he can maybe borrow some brass for his balls in order to make a real stand.

I don't think this is the case in Julie's sich, but I think another reason for this type of PA behavior in public might be a cry for help from someone who subconsiously feels like a victim of Stockholm Syndrome in their relationship. Sort of like the kidnap victim who tries to give subliminal/secret "Help me. Something is not right." messages to the clerk at the Stop & Go. If this was the case, then I would think that the message would be more likely to be aimed at a member of the opposite sex.