Hey Julie... I am chiming in here because I notice some similarities between our H's. In fact, recently I picked up another enneagram book which went through the various personality sytles very simplistically ( my daughter, the "5", grabbed the book and I don't know where it is now)...anyway, it's clear that my H is a "9"...a peacemaker who is passive aggressive and conflict avoidant. The thing is, this type of person likes to seek stimulation by provoking in indirect ways, leaving the spouse pissed off with no place to go. The partners ( like myself) tend to be obsessive types who have a hard time letting go of a hurt, especially when no real apology is offered.
The challenge is for the P-A partner to develop some insight into the provoking behavior and the more compulsive ( or in this case, PMS-y) partner to become unstuck and let go. This requires those usual ingredients of self awareness, listening and communication, and a good dose of humor as well.
You describe your H has the homebody but I wouldn't be surprised if he needs to do some P-A needling of you periodically for some stimulation.
