P.S. I was venting on my last post... I'm not THAT frustrated...yet.
Quote: You need to be strong enough and confident enough that she can enjoy the passion without needing to be a caretaker for your emotional fragility on this issue, if that makes any sense.
Yes, sorta. I may need more of an explanation on this one. Maybe the rest of this post WAS that. If so, please disregard.
Quote: Do you think you are strong and confident enough for this to be the case or will any attempts at intimacy be too much about you and protecting your ego?
I honestly don't know. I wasn't thinking it WAS about my ego but I guess it is. Sucks to realize that but since ego, or confidence at least, is such a large part of this, I am at a loss.
Quote: If you can't do it and hold onto yourself and your happiness in light of rejection, then probably it will be too much about you for her to get what she wants and needs from intimacy.
Um, WTF does she want from intimacy? It's like I said to Mama, after awhile, after a certain number of rejections and years without her initiating ONCE, and I DO mean YEARS without her initiating, you just become numb. You just start to think that she really doesn't like it at all. Sure, it seems like she does in the moment but damn, if I like something, I at least make the minimal effort to DO it every once and awhile. If she doesn't like it, well, far be it for me to suggest that actually TELLING me that would have hurt less than cheating on me, and telling me NOW would probably be a good place to start.
Quote: So, maybe you are best off waiting until YOU are really more ready for the emotional risks.
I would be willing to take a risk and actually think I have. I guess maybe I am NOT ready. I don't know.
Quote: But, quit making it about her fragility in your own head. She seems pretty strong to me, strong enough to act on her lack of fulfillment and do something about it, albeit temporarily and not in a particularly healthy way.
I don't think she's fragile AT ALL. I think I have NO clue what she wants or if she wants anything at all and I am getting tired of all the guessing games. Sure, she was "strong" enough to do some other guy (allegedly) but she's not strong enough to tell me I suck in bed, or that she needs this or that to get in the mood, or that she has some other reason why she is not "ready" for that in our relationship? Come on, I don't buy it. I think it's more of the same from her, more of the same old conflict avoidance and passive/agressive thing. Either THAT or she's just not ready, period, and all this will work out with time. Nice to have to try to mind read all that...
I will read more, wait more and try to stave off my total frustration at this. I don't think it helps at all.
