Quote: So, how much encouragement do you want??? Imagine things from her POV. "Gee, I really want a passionate love affair like I had with OM, but I'll have to give that up and rejoice about a lick on the cheek. Hey that's an improvement though and I really will appreciate it. I smiled, but I don't want to scare him away. He is so tentative and reluctant to have really hot sex as it is..."
OT, I am willing to admit that I may be wrong in saying this, but our sex WAS hot and intense. IT WAS NEVER THE SEX that was the issue but the intimacy away from the bedroom and the getting to the sex part and I don't mean foreplay, that was usually very involved and "intense" as well. I think what turned her off was that I was SO passive in my attempt to "initiate" that she just could never get in the mood. WHEN I did manage to get her going, and we both got into it, it was hot, passionate and good. Like Mama said, my W almost always came away from ML saying emphatically that we needed to do that more often and why didn't we? I never had a good answer because I thought I had tried but I guess I had not.
As far as whatever relationship she may have had with OM, I would assume that (and I am judging a book by it's cover here) looking at him, and hearing her describe him a little, her was a VERY physical man. Also, his body type is just about as opposite of mine as you could get, especially back then. He is about 6'4", 260 lbs and totally ripped from head to toe. I was 5'10", 180 lbs with a bit of a gut and a little extra in a few other places. Seriously, it was like your H coming home with Angelina Jolie or Tyra Banks or something. I have to assume that he got her going a bit with just how he looked and then his aggression did the rest...until that aggression made him abusive. Sure, his personality or charm may have done it for her too but I don't get that impression from what she's said.
All I can say is I am NOT that guy, and I have no desire to be. If she wants that, an over the top, aggressive meat head, then she can go get him. If she wants me, at my best, which is clearly not what I was when she "left" then I am going to do my best to be that.
Quote: Going along contentedly and happily in a sexless M is just reinforcing her believe that coming back to you means giving up the passion.
Seriously, this makes me want to scream, yell, break something. How do you act passionate towards a wet blanket? I mean come on, she gives me NOTHING and not being here, you don't know all the things I have tried short of throwing her down and jumping on her, and as I said, if that's what she wants, sorry, that's not me, or at least not the me she get the first time after 6 months. Maybe we can get there together but I am just not the man that does that without SOME freaking indication that she wants that.
Maybe I just don't get it. I am starting to understand that. I am also starting to understand that it may be a serious problem for ME to be with a woman who refuses, even in the best of times, to initiate ANY kind of physical intimacy.
I am going to be honest. I am VERY frustrated.
As for the lick, um, it was with the kids sitting on her lap. There wasn't much i could do about that.
I have not found PM at any of my local stores. I am going to have to order it.
I guess I just don't see intimacy as something that I can do alone. I can't DB that part of this R. I need her to meet me at least 1/10th of the way. I can handle doing 90% but I cannot accept the entire responsibility for all this.
In the end, I am thinking that I just need to talk to W about all this. I know I have stayed away from that all this time but I can't keep doing this forever.
I am tired and just need a break from all this. Life is great otherwise. Maybe I need to pull a RB and just go celibate in my mind...
