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I guess you're right.....hopefully they are realizing that the "in love" feeling is only temporary and love takes on many forms.



Ah, but here is the $64,000 question: Will a woman who valued being "in love" enough to break her marriage vows be sufficiently motivated to intimacy with a man whom she merely "loves"?

This is my struggle. It's clear that my W "loves" me. I don't think she ever stopped that. What is much less clear is how she translates that love into the thing that allows her brain and other parts to want to ML and other things centered around passion and general intimacy.

When I say I feel sometimes like I am at square one again, sans the OM, I mean it. I feel that way because one time, a long time ago, my W told me while we were in bed (we used to get into these HUGE, emotional conversations late at night) that we had always been great friends but she didn't think she thought of us as lovers. Mind you, this was WAY before the bombs fell, like years ago. Gee, might I have gotten a clue instead of blaming it on her being drunk, emotional, stressed, whatever? Nope. Since she blew it off the next day, so did I. Little did I know what would eventually become of that seed...

So, here we are, an ILYBINILWY speech/affair under our belts, communicating better than ever and yet there is NO spark. There is great friendship but no passion.

Once again, that brings up the issue of how far we get into this "reconciliation" before I ramp up my "efforts" in the intimacy area. With SO much water under that bridge and so much anxiety associated with it in my mind, it is really difficult for me to make those decisions. I know OT is right when she suggests that my W may be waiting for me to do precisely that, to MAKE decisions and to SHOW her my desire for intimacy. My W may never just "be ready" without me sparking that in her. I get that, it's just the doing part that is hard, especially when so much of the "normal" "by the book" stuff to romance a woman seems to fall on deaf, well, deaf something near the ears anyway.

This is just rehashing the same old issue with me and even I am getting tired of hearing me talk about it. Someone once said "It's about time to fish or cut bait." Maybe so.

Oh, one thing I did do, and BJ, this is for you, I licked the cheek Dunno if that has anything to do igniting passion or anything like that, but it got her attention. She presented me the cheek when I got home from work and I gave her a little lick. She asked with a smile "What was that? Did you just lick me?" I said with a bigger smile "Yep, and that's what I am going to do every time I get the cheek." We both had a little laugh. I actually think it may have helped indeed because it was something "physical" that broke the ice a little. Thanks for that BJ. Who woulda guessed...

GH

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