Last night W had girls night out. I admit I was a little anxious over this. I 99% believed her that it was ONLY the two GFs that she said she was meeting for dinner. Nothing she said or did smacked of the OM being there. I suggested earlier this week that I may bring my concerns/fears up to her in a conversation. I decided against this. I was feeling comfortable and thought I could do without this. About the only thing I did was when she answered S5's question of where she was going by saying "I have a date with the devil" (which is a reference to one of the GF's, which I understood but...) I said, "that sounds ominous, it IS only the girls right?" She just said yes with a knowing smile. "No, I'm not starting over again with that."
Ok, so directly asked, directly answered, and I moved on with the night...
I remembered her saying at the height of all this that I used to hover over her while she got ready to go out so I decided to make myself scarce and play with the boys while she showered, etc. We exchanged hugs and a peck before she left. She didn't stay gone long and when she got home she was fine. I don't suspect anything for a variety of reasons.
As for me, I used the time to myself to get a lot done that I have been putting off for one reason or another. It was nice to have the house to myself.
That was really it. No changes in the R last night. About the only thing that was different, and that was this morning, was that W asked me to lay down with her as I was leaving for work saying "Lay down with me, you can be 5 minutes late." Now, I usually do lay down and rub her back or just catch some extra Z's but she indicated she wanted me to hold her, which I did. It was nice and as embraces go, this one was the best yet since this all started. Good way to start the day!
I am still struggling with the right way to "just do it" in terms of introducing some passion into things. Sometimes I feel like I just need to, as OT says, turn her over and kiss her passionately and other times I think that we need a little more time to get used to all this again before that happens. I know that daily we are growing more comfortable with physical closeness, not spending some part of every night cuddled up on the couch.
I am perfectly aware that I have NO idea what my W thinks about all this other than she still kinda turns or doesn't present her lips for kissing and is barely initiating any contact herself beyond hugs. I don't know if she's waiting for me to do something or if, like me, she is taking things slowly. I think the later since she's come out and said that's what she is doing a few times (Ireland, that night when she first commented on "working back toward us" and most recently last weekend when we talked). Of course, I could ask her to clarify, but something tells me I would be better off just to DO instead of ask and since I am not quite ready to do that yet, and neither is she it seems, I will continue to make the smaller changes in our daily interaction until the time when I either throw caution to the wind and do what I WANT to do or we come to that point together. I suspect it will need to be the former, lol.
I think the time is almost here for me to make some kind of move but to do so too soon would put us back a ways. I am willing to take that risk, and may have to soon, but not right now and there is still that possible spectre of the unspoken to deal with...or not.
