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If men sometimes fall into the belief, as Rob and I had, that our W's don't like sex, women fall into the belief that men ONLY want sex. Sure, we may act like oafs and fumble about now and then, and we may think about it all the time, but I can assure you, I for one wanted more than just sex from my W but since she seemed to only want to be physical when we had sex, then yes, that's what I wanted. I want my W to WANT to touch me, not just in bed, but all the time. Since she thought I only touched when wanted sex, and when she touched me, we had sex...you get the catch 22. I want to be touched, and to touch, with passion and affection whenever, and wherever. I think I am communicating this to my W these days and it's starting to sink in. Time will help with this, I'm sure. I also think this was where Rob was comming from with his hot-tub experience. We want our W's to feel that we can be sensual, passionate and show them affection without it having to lead to intercourse, and not because sex is bad but because those things can exist without sex as well as with. Maybe thats the wrong way to think about it but it seems clear to me that my W was frustrated by only being touched when I "wanted something" just as I was frustrated by my W not touching me at all. Something's got to give, and I think it is now.




YES! Thank you as this is precisely what I was trying to get across, albeit not nearly as succintly. The fact is, my W is not a physical touch person....nothing wrong with it, but she just never was. Even during our courtship, we rarely held hands or such. So I equated sex with physical touching. The point is, I do want her to touch me without the expectation of sex behind it...

I guess in my sitch, this became real apparent a few months ago when my W had thanked me for giving her a back rub, I told her a thank you was appreciated but not necessary becasue I enjoyed doing it for her for a variety of reasons. At some point she had mentioned that I did because I wanted sex (i'm paraphrasing). This came to me as a shock because I really never saw it this way, but in hindsight, that's usually how it ended up.

"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu