Really great stuff!! It is wonderful that you didn't put the burden of the decision to cancel on YOUR parents onto her. The R talk sounds just about perfect.
KEEP IN MIND -- the anger and resentment whe will have about "oh, now, you want passion," is about the past and the present. In the past, it is resentment about having lived a pretty empty life in terms of physical intimacy. You can definitely validate this and share this, after all you understand it having felt it yourself and you still feel sad about it!! Remember, you were in that R together, don't feel like the failure when it was a shared problem. Now, in the present, her anger, I expect, is really mostly projection about her anger toward herself. Her *big secret PA* IS a barrier to sex with you for her. She is probably also afraid that she won't be able to succeed in the passion area (she doesn't know how to be a passionate *wife*) and avoids that fear with anger. And, she is probably anger about a different kind of fear, the fear that YOU won't inspire passion and she will have to live an asexual life, but she can't share this fear with you so it comes out as anger. Also, in general, sex and intimacy are very difficult for her to talk about, and the effort to overcome her shyness and embarrasment, any talk about it might seem to have a bit of anger until she relaxes about it.
BTW, are you really OK with her not getting honest with you about a PA??? A conspiracy theory: GH is perfectly happy for W not to be honest about PA because he doesn't want to come clean about his own deep dark secret (PA, porn use, phone sex, flirting at work, high credit card bills, etc...) If so, this is also a barrier to intimacy.
And more on sex, lol...
(Sorry Rob...) Rob's latest post about the bath, backrub, and no sexual overtures made me wonder *who in the world thinks this is a good scenario???*
I don't think you have been, but don't confirm your W's opinion that the passion thing isn't important to you.
Imagine this conversation:
------ Guy 1: My W was sooooo wonderful and romantic last night. She lit candles and put on a sexy nightgown. Then we watched a football game in bed on silk sheets while she gave me a really sensual backrub with scented oil.
Guy 2: Yeah, well, I guess that would be nice if she could do it without being all over you and wanting *it*.
Guy 1: She wasn't all over me at all!!! That was the BEST PART! As far as I know, the thought of sex with me didn't even cross her mind. She really is as satisfied living a truly MONOgamous sex life as I am... as in mono=ONE PERSON, not two, heh heh heh.
Guy 2: Man, am I jealous. I walk near my W and I can feel the sexual energy I excite in her. How much does that suck? --------
Another thing... Your W wants a great passionate SL as much as you do it seems. As you seem to recognize full well, this does not mean that she doesn't hate disconnected boring sex that doesn't satisfy her.
I'd suggest a beginner's mind -- you don't know what she likes and wants in bed, you don't know her kinks or her limits, etc... If you have to ASSume something, assume that any O she ever had with you was fake. Plenty of them probably were, so you can't use them as a reliable guide. Assuming they all were thus is a MUCH better mistake to make than assuming that they were all, or mostly all, real. (Buy some sex toys meant for clitoral stimulation. Remember, having sex without that is like having sex without any penile stimulation.) At the very least, get some dirty underwear from VS and ask her to wear it right before you take her to a nice dinner.
BTW, take careful note that your W said sex was boring. She wants different things from you.
Anyway, I must work on taxes. It sounds like you are great and things are really moving in positive directions for you. I'm very happy for you.
