Thanks. As far as asking her what I can do to build more passion and affection in the M, I think I will hold off on that because like so much else in our marriage, we USED to have some passion and affection between us but it somehow died along the way. I remember what she used to like and not like and want to get back to that as a starting point and go from there. I also have a lot of ideas of things to do/try in the romance area based on really thinking about what she likes and what makes her happy. Mainly, I now understand what I want in all this and will just try to act on that. As OT and other women here have told me, my W seems to be reacting VERY positively to me taking the lead in things, not ignoring her feelings but just expressing mine in a direct way. It is working wonders. Slow wonders, but wonders indeed.
As I have begun to express my "desire" for her in little ways, she has started to respond by being warmer and in general, more comfortable around me. There is a fine line between pawing/grabbing and caressing/touching and I think I now understand that. In the past, I think W would have reacted negatively to my touching her because it was done either with the intent of getting her into bed (which, OT, I KNOW was not necessarily something she didn't want) OR without much intent at all, with an absent mind. Neither one resonated well with her. OT, my reading and common sense tells me that she just wants to feel desired and loved. I would not have believed that a year ago because I was convinced she just had no interest in physical intimacy, but now I think I understand what it means to express love that way and how to do it at least on the basic, day-to-day level. Beyond that, who knows. I will just keep on keepin on and see what happens.
