I recently went out and bought a bunch of new panties. I am at the place when I don't know when I will ever have sex again as my H is all wrapped up in his A and I am working on myself and am holding a space for our marriage so will not complicate our issues. But I went out shopping with my daughter and bought a bunch of string things and took a hard look about how depressed I had been, feeling unloved, unattractive etc. in those months when the H was withdrawn and we were living together in a sexless marriage. I even started thinking of myself as old, as a grandma, even though I can assure you I am actually pretty young and sparky for my age. Now this part may be hard, but I know you can do it. I would say, no matter when she got those panties, to encourage more of it. Tell her you saw the panties, and that they are really cute. Tell her you would like to go shopping and buy some more with her or for her. Tell her you miss ML with her, and although you realize that you might need to take it slow, that you really miss having passion in your R with her. Tell her you think she is the cutest, sexiest person on the whole planet and that you have the hots for her all the time. If you need to tell her that that's why you were so jealous and distraught over the OM, then do. But do it in the context of building towards some sexual encounters. Plan some weekends away. Light some candles in the bedroom. Put on some soft music and dance with her. You can stop right there for now, but you will be creating a mood in her mind - keep building on that. I think you need to build some confidence for yourself too, and I realize you are afraid of setting yourself up for rejection, so tell her that. Ask her what the indicators will be that she is ready to be closer to you. Then watch for those. Sometimes fear blocks us from seeing the true signals. What can you do for youself to build more confidence? Maybe it's time for you to discard the tighty-whities
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
as my H is all wrapped up in his A and I am working on myself and am holding a space for our marriage so will not complicate our issues. But I went out shopping with my daughter and bought a bunch of string things and took a hard look about how depressed I had been, feeling unloved, unattractive etc. in those months when the H was withdrawn and we were living together in a sexless marriage. I even started thinking of myself as old, as a grandma, even though I can assure you I am actually pretty young and sparky for my age. Now this part may be hard, but I know you can do it. I would say, no matter when she got those panties, to encourage more of it. Tell her you saw the panties, and that they are really cute. Tell her you would like to go shopping and buy some more with her or for her. Tell her you miss ML with her, and although you realize that you might need to take it slow, that you really miss having passion in your R with her. Tell her you think she is the cutest, sexiest person on the whole planet and that you have the hots for her all the time. If you need to tell her that that's why you were so jealous and distraught over the OM, then do. But do it in the context of building towards some sexual encounters. Plan some weekends away. Light some candles in the bedroom. Put on some soft music and dance with her. You can stop right there for now, but you will be creating a mood in her mind - keep building on that. I think you need to build some confidence for yourself too, and I realize you are afraid of setting yourself up for rejection, so tell her that. Ask her what the indicators will be that she is ready to be closer to you. Then watch for those. Sometimes fear blocks us from seeing the true signals. What can you do for youself to build more confidence? Maybe it's time for you to discard the tighty-whities 
