No PL, it's not over by any stretch of the imagination and thank you for the very kind words.
This morning crystallized for me the idea that it's not over. Sure, the A MAY be over, and I do think it is, but the work my W and I need to do is far from over. Actually, I don't know if it's even truly started.
Nothing really happened this morning other than when I was getting dressed I saw a pair of hot pink g-string panties with a heart embroidered on them laying on the floor. They look to have fallen out of something, maybe even the laundry we did last night, because they were kinda up against the wall of the closet, not hidden but not in the right place either (BTW, W does wear g-strings, so that's not the main issue, it's the pink/heart). I have a REALLY hard time believing that my W bought them for herself and while I don't see this as evidence that anything continues between her and OM, it is more evidence that she has and is still lying about it being a PA. I know I talked all big the last couple days about "KNOWING" it was a PA but I guess by this bothering me so much, and it is, that I was holding out hope that somehow it wasn't true. Maybe that's why I said I didn't need her to actually tell me, because I wanted to stay in denial. I don't think that's the case because I really have always thought of this as a PA but...
COULD she have just started feeling sexy with all the attention from OM, even if it wasn't sexual, and bought those panties, and all the other new ones she has acquired over the time she's been with OM? Could she have bought them to wear with me sometime in the future? Sure, she COULD have but that's the point I am now realizing, there are way too many "coulds" in our life right now and its hard to realize that there is no end to that sitch in sight. I think I now understand I need more honesty from her to move forward. Otherwise these POSSIBLE remnants from the A that linger around our house will not only represent the A & OM but also her continuing lies and deception.
The problem is that I don't think she is ready to be totally honest yet, and there IS still the slight possibility that it truly WAS only an EA but... As OT said, I think no matter what, there are a ton of issues she is wrestling with, some seem obvious, like still concealing the exact nature of the A, and others I may have no clue about.
What I learned this morning is that NOW, more than ever is when I need to use my DB skills. The woman is clearly trying to get back to us. She seems to have said and done the right thing so far but I need to heed all your advice and beware of the turmoil that is sure to come. I feel it would be REALLY easy for me to do something or say something that would exacerbate the situation. I need to weigh that fear with my need to be honest with her about how I feel. I need to decide what and when to say something, if at all.
I want SO much to trust my W but I guess that will have to wait. She has a lot more work to do to win back my trust and in the meantime I will have to continue to realize that what I have been doing to this point HAS worked and I just need to keep it up.
I am still turning that corner but it's really hard to see what's around it. Could be another corner...
