Things have been really quiet since the weekend. As per OT's advice, yesterday I made it a point, with little fanfare, to tell W that I needed her to not be in contact with OM and if she was, since there was no reason for secrecy anymore, she needed to be honest about it. She agreed.
I suppose this came up because W said she was having lunch with a couple friends, the same friends she admitted to having lied about seeing many times when she saw OM. Of course I because suspicious. When she called later in the day, I asked how her lunch went. Normally when she sees these friends there is a ton of gossip and W usually has a lot of stories about what's going on with them. This time she just said "Oh you know, the usual stuff" when I asked about them. She didn't elaborate. Of course, as usual, I don't KNOW anything. It's VERY likely she did indeed meet these friends for lunch but I can't lie and say I suspected something else, and for that matter, still do in the back of my mind.
I can now clearly see where the issues will be for the time being. As SS said, I think I need to stop focusing on the OM. I set my boundaries and W is clear about what they are.
Thing is, I just have this feeling that the lying is not over yet. I don't think it is going to go on forever but for some reason, I don't know if it's this need to "fix" things my W has, or as OT says, manage this guy's feelings or what. She SAID she did not see him yesterday when I asked directly so like I said, the issue will be me trusting her in the short term to not lie about this even though she will say and do much of the same things in the course of her OM-free life as she did at the height of the affair, i.e. have lunch with GF's and go to the gym, albeit a different one supposedly.
I know I can't trust her completely but I am willing to at least give it a go in trusting her in this. I see NO evidence that she is swinging back his direction so I will sit tight and let this play out.
As far as home life goes, it's still good. Lots of hugs and cuddling. No real intimacy yet, but that will take time, and as I keep saying, maybe more convo. Also, I think in the beginning the intimacy will happen when and where it used to; the weekend and in bed. Once that happens, which is the way it will be most comfortable for my W, I will feel more at ease moving towards something new and better in terms of affection/intimacy. I KNOW OT will say it may be time to take a risk in this area and I am not blind to that. It is on my mind that W may indeed want to mix things up, even that she may need that to spark something so I will not ignore that possibility. For right now, I am going to trust my gut on this one but let my head and heart have a say now and again.
Things are still going well, but it's SO early and I am seeing where the potential for disaster is still a part of my sitch. I can only hope that what I see/hear is truly from my W's heart so that I can open mine up sooner rather than later.
