Yesterday was another good day. I told W the night before that I eventually wanted to upgrade my computer and I wanted to look at our finances (which are pretty good these days) to see what we could do. I said it didn't have to be tomorrow or the next day, or even next month, but soon. That is pretty big because I normally don't openly discuss that stuff with W. She is the bill payer so if I need something outside the normal bounds of our budget (such as it is) I just wait until I make some outside money and allocate it for whatever. Communication about finances, no matter if we had money or now, was always a touchy issue, mainly because neither of us were very direct or honest about what we felt, wanted or needed. It seems like we are both being more up front about these things now.

Anyway, she was receptive to the idea, something I would not have believe in the past. I used to think she would get pissy if I wanted to use our money for stuff like that. That was the old me. Sure, it was OUR money, but most of it needed to go towards living and what was left over either got put towards future living expenses or bought stuff for the kids/house. Well, no more, one of the things I decided in all this is that along with sacrificing our time, energy and love for the sake of the kids/family, we also sacrificed FAR too long financially when we didn't need to. We CAN afford to do some things for ourselves and I wanted to start doing that. I suspect this comes from me realizing that I have been, well, cheap for a LONG time when I could afford not to be. It feels good to be financially responsible AND do for yourself now and then. If you can't do that, then why bust your a$$?

SO, we woke up and my W asked where we were going to get my new computer. I was shocked. She said we could afford it, and then some, so why not just do it since I needed it now more than ever with business kicking up.

So, we had a kid's Easter thing first. It was another great example for me AND my W of how the NEW me can be around people. I had a great time and made some new friends, as did we both. It brought back to me a comment my W made on Friday during the long talk. She said that it makes such a HUGE difference to a woman (I thought it was interesting that she chose to make this a general comment) to have her husband be full of confidence and especially when we were out together. She said from the way I carried myself, to the way I dressed these days, it made it so much nicer to be around. Really, she was saying she was once again proud to be with me again. Fair enough, even with the negative connotations it carried with it.

After that we went to the Apple Store and got my computer...AND one for her. It was REALLY nice for BOTH of us to do that. It really made me happy to work as hard as I do so that we BOTH can benefit from it. I think she understands this now too. She used to deny herself things even though we could afford it and still live the way we wanted to. Now she understands that doing that, even though it seemed like the right thing to do by us/me, it really caused me a LOT of stress because if she didn't even enjoy the fruits of my labor, why do it. I think I projected a lot of my dissatisfaction with things on her doing that. I now realize that was only a minor thing but it's still nice to see her living a little...er...with me anyway, lol.
We also bought some furniture we have wanted for awhile and then called it quits for awhile on spending.

It was another nice day and a stark contrast to the day before where we spent no money and just hung with the kids at the pool. It was interesting to see that we could have both a relaxing, quiet day with a lot of "silent" time and a day filled with financial decisions and potential stress, go equally well. Sure, it was two days, but each of them would have presented a set of issues for us in the past. Baby steps...

GH


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