Quote: GH, I'd like to encourage you to stay around here for a while before going over to piecing, because a lot of your recovery issues are going to be specifically related to your W's A, including her guilt, lingering affection/sexual issues, etc.
RB,
I am not really planning to move my thread anytime soon. Forgive how this sounds, but I don't really need any more advice from new people. I like the people here and like I said, I think too many people move their threads around so much that it makes it hard to follow. Worse yet, since we only ever see the bad side of these stories here, I think it's a shame that when things go well, people move to another board. I know for me, I never went to piecing to "feel good" about my sitch because I didn't know most of their stories. You all know my story and you have played a HUGE part in making it somewhat successful. I owe it to you all to let it play out here.
And, yes, there are lingering issues that relate to this board more than the other(s) so that's another reason to stick around.
No, the end of the A is NOT the end of the problems, but it really helps to have your W say and DO what is necessary to recommit to the M. Since my W has done that, we'll see what comes next.
Quote: Do you have anything specific planned for your recovery? MC? Giving the kids to some relatives so you can have a weekend together?
Ok, here's the thing, and this is also a bit of journaling, I have said all along that I thought communication in general and MY anger/intimacy issues were at fault for most of our problems. Through DB, I was able to address my anger and general unhappiness. I was able to recognize the GREAT life I have and embrace it. I am so much more full of energy and passion for life now than I have really ever been.
I believed that IF I could make this change, that our M could be DRAMATICALLY altered for the better and the changes my W needed to make would happen as a result of mine.
I really see this as the path for me. I need to continue to grow and maintain my changes. I think I have been consistent in expressing to my W over the last couple days that I need certain things like DIFFERENT affection and more communication in our NEW marriage. She agrees.
So, I have no real plans for recovery other than to continue DB, now as a plan to make my M more healthy rather than to "save" it. I think the most important thing for my W and I is for us to continue to acknowledge the process and realize that we still have a lot of work to do. I think we both need to be good listeners and re-learn what it means to love one another. It SEEMS like we will be able to do this on our own. Of course, my W's disdain for therapy has not gone away so there is not much choice.
As for a weekend together, yes, and more. We have the travel bug after Ireland and are planning a few more trips for the year. One trip with the whole family and one for us is almost definite.
Today, things are good. Tomorrow is unknown but you know what, that isn't so bad anymore.
