Quote: According to DB am I just supposed to accept the fact that he won't admit the A was sexual? He only says it was emotional. And I just go ahead DBing without a confession?
First, hate to meet you like this. Second, by this I guess you have incontrovertible evidence that he is having a PA? As far as DB suggesting you accept him not admitting the PA, well, I don't really remember what it specifically says and I don't have a copy handy but what it does say is that you don't want to focus on the A at all. The A is NOT the problem but a symptom of the overall issues in your marriage. So, to demand or expect a confession is to focus on the A and that takes away energy from what you need to focus on, which is YOU. The more attention you pay to the A and the OW, the more power you give it to influence YOUR state of mind, and trust me, I KNOW it doesn't need any more power than it already has to do that. To "go on DBing" just means that you shift focus from him and the A to you and YOUR well being, life and growth. In those terms, YES, you go on DBing without a confession. If you read the volumes of my sitch, you will see that my W to this day has not admitted a PA yet we are hopefully on the road to reconciliation. The most important thing to me, and DB is that the A needs to eventually stop, and I believe DBing, NOT pressure/demands, is the most effective way I found to affect that outcome in my sitch.
I may be a different kind of person, but I really embraced two things in DB. First, the overwhelming need for personal growth/change. Second, true forgiveness. With those two things leading you in this, you CAN indeed DB without anything more from him. YOU have the power here, not him. DB gives you that.
