W's lawyer set up a court date. She says that she's ready to divorce and if I'm going to postpone again. I really want to. I said I'm ready though. I was told that I can ask the judge for counseling and it'll be a 6 mo. delay of the finalizing. Should I? The OM is living w/her at our house. The reason for court is because of the house. If I was willing to give it to her we would settle out of court. I don't because I don't want the OM and her to have a free ride through what I have worked hard for. My whole story is here in this forum under "Help. I took a leap of faith" I still have been dark. But 2 weeks is nothing. Now court is around the corner. Should I divorce her and see what happens afterwards because she seems to have already moved on and just wait for the A to dwindle? Or should I force my W to go to counseling even when the OM will be waiting at 'home' for her? How much harder can this be?
JL, if you want to preserve your marriage, then you should preserve your marriage. I cannot see any possible disadvantage to you to by asking for the counseling and six-month delay. Those six months might see your W and the OM break up ... you never know.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
More problems/drama to stew on. D court is set up for this thursday. Two days away! I was given counseling from this man that wrote the book Stop Your Divorce and he had told me to go ahead and give it to her. Give her the divorce. The more I try to stop the legal divorce the more she'll hate me. The more she'll really have her mind made up that she doesn't want to be with me. But then I go on here and I hear and read that if I don't want to D then I shouldn't. Counseling still might be an option for me to ask from the judge. But should I because... The same day of court I just found out yesterday that my Dad is going to have his heart surgery. I text'd my W that I would still make it to C. But later on that evening I finally talked to my parents and they were asking me if I could postpone Court to go with them. Which my Dad will be have to travel to another city to get this surgery performed. I had textd my W that I really need to go and be with my Dad and I'd like to postpone. She replies that the lawyer is hired to represent me and she's sorry of my situation but she's not going to postpone. I'm worried. On a lot of things, what's gonna happen to my pop's. Is my W just hoping I don't go to C so she can try to get things her way? Should I really ask for counseling? Should I just divorce her an show her that I'm independent and don't need her and hope that technique will work later in the future?
JL, do what you feel is right. Obviously you are caught between two opposing theories on how to proceed. RB and I discussed this a few days ago and I ended by saying that I think it's important to try to ride out one method for doing this rather than bounce around because of this very situation. You have two "experts" telling you two totally different things. So, in that case, you just have to do what you think is right and own the outcome. Like it was already suggested, a lot can happen in 6 months...
I can't seem to find the thread where Jamesjohn discusses it, but the author of [censored] is apparently an "expert" primarily because he has declared himself to be and has successfully marketed his e-book. I don't remember exactly, but I don't believe he has the training or experience that he suggests.
JL, you are posting on a "divorcebusters" website. Our goal here is to stop divorces from occurring. Though it is possible to reconnect with an ex after a divorce, there is a much bigger hurdle there than keeping a spouse you've already got.
I will tell you that your wife's affair has a good shot at ending in the upcoming six months if you give it that. If you have made the dramatic changes in your life that you suggest, it will give your wife time to see that those changes are real, and the counseling sessions can help with that.
My very strong opinion is you should ask for the delay.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
It seems like RB is aware of this other author and his credentials or lack thereof. It sounds like you may be better off sticking with DB/DR, and in that case, do not grant the D yet.
There was a long thread somewhere else on these boards about that guy, and our moderator Jamesjohn had a lot to say about him. What I posted a minute ago was my vague recollection of what he said. I've searched, though, and can't seem to find the thread.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
I was given counseling from this man that wrote the book Stop Your Divorce and he had told me to go ahead and give it to her. Give her the divorce. The more I try to stop the legal divorce the more she'll hate me. The more she'll really have her mind made up that she doesn't want to be with me. But then I go on here and I hear and read that if I don't want to D then I shouldn't. Counseling still might be an option for me to ask from the judge. But should I because... The same day of court I just found out yesterday that my Dad is going to have his heart surgery. I text'd my W that I would still make it to C. But later on that evening I finally talked to my parents and they were asking me if I could postpone Court to go with them. Which my Dad will be have to travel to another city to get this surgery performed. I had textd my W that I really need to go and be with my Dad and I'd like to postpone. She replies that the lawyer is hired to represent me and she's sorry of my situation but she's not going to postpone. I'm worried. On a lot of things, what's gonna happen to my pop's. Is my W just hoping I don't go to C so she can try to get things her way? Should I really ask for counseling? Should I just divorce her an show her that I'm independent and don't need her and hope that technique will work later in the future?