joeP I think you are going to catch some huge backwash from your post, yet I sense a need to consider you as a child of God as anyone else, so I'll try to keep that in mind as I respond.
First, most affairs usually start out innocently, yet it is tough to be friends with a member of the opposite sex while sharing all this info. Sooner or later you have constructed an explosive that only the Unibomber would be proud of.
Second, did you just decide you were unhappy in your marriage, or did it just happen because of the "newness" of the the Ow?
Third, how are you giving your W consideration if you are in supposedly in love with the Ow? Reconstructing a marriage will be tough when your feelings are already elsewhere.
Fourth, how can you blame W with her response? You busted her where it hurts, and she is in pain. Other men WILL find her attractive, and will you be able to handle THAT?
I would pursue the counseling, and I suggest you give it all you have. Are there children involved on either side? Someday they are going to want answers; imagine the difficulty in being truthful. I must ask: How are you going to be happy with the Ow, when the relationship is mixed with deceit? One or the both of you will be forever looking over your shoulder.
It is tough for those who voice their problems on a board that is geared toward warding off the BIG-D. However, your input in such matters is important, for we get to examine the other side and LEARN for ourselves what drives good people to do bad things. Best wishes, svolt
